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Remakes remakes everywhere and not a one worth crap.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,   Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

Nextmovie.com has compiled a fine list. This list brings great sadness and bitterness. Naturally, we are talking about Hollywood's new/old addiction – Remakes. Man, Hollywood loves to cash in and destroy every single happy childhood memory by pissing out watered down and half assed rehashes. The following list will make you wonder why they are doing some while screaming at the monitor for some of the others.

Hollywood intends to ruin movies we wouldn't expect like "Judge Dredd", "Child's Play", "Fright Night", "Conan", "Romancing the Stone" and "Porky's".

Then they plan on ruining ones they shouldn't touch like "Crow", "Warriors", "The NeverEnding Story", "Orphanage" (already?), and "Robocop".

I'd like to note that "The Thing" is not getting a remake, but a prequel. It sounds like the crew knows what they are doing with us that lessens the bitter, but lets face it, we've heard this talk before.

For the rest of the sad list Nextmovie.com has compiled check out the following LINK.

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Hotties in Haiku: Lea Thompson as Lorraine Baines

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    



Marty's do-good mom.



Hottie back in fifty-five.



Lay your hands off, Biff!!!


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Does Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps leave you bankrupt?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps 2010Stephen Schiff, Allan LoebOliver StoneMichael Douglas, Shia LaBeouf Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps(2010)
 

America ’s pursuit of prosperity took a dreadful dip during the bank collapses of 2008, causing a recession not seen in the land of opportunity since the beginnings of Franklyn Roosevelt’s presidency. Words like “bailout” and “foreclosure” are now prevalent in our lingo, and names like AIG and Bernie Madoff became synonymous with white collar villainy. Alas, Oliver Stone, whose recent creative efforts have plunged lower than Goldman/Sachs, found an opportune time to bring his infamous trade raider Gordon Gekko back to his slick hair, three-piece suit form.

Michael Douglas is back as Gekko in “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps," and this time, the young and ambitious upstart is Shia LaBeouf as Jake Moore, taking over for the naïve but hungry Bud Fox played by Charlie Sheen in the first movie. Jake is a natural at the financial game, but has idealist goals that have him backing an alternative energy company in need of a major investment push. Jake is also dating the equally idealist Winnie (Carey Mulligan), who happens to be Gekko’s estranged daughter.

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RE4 - Afterlife - unswallowable piece of crap [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010Paul W.S. AndersonPaul W.S. AndersonMilla JovovichCapcom Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Resident Evil 4 - Afterlife (2010)

Un-swallowable crap in your face.

I know this day would come. We all know it. we have all seen a money making cow being milked to beef jerkies before. But when it actually happens I am still feeling strongly about, err, the money and time I lost. Watching "Resident Evil: Afterlife" is so far the most regrettable cinema experience I have had this year; it is so bad that I kept walking out and in pretending to have toilet break, just to avoid having an aneurism outburst.
I had very little expectation to this movie in particular; I was a fan to RE the game as 1,2,3, for its dark atmosphere and hopeless zombie theme. It didn’t really get to extend to the movie that much after the first movie – the movie serious is largely a fancy action flick where this unknown character, Alice, being an experimental product and superhero, jumping around using weapons and then superpower to kill zombies. Around RE3 they try to rub back some in-game characters to attract the game lovers, but ultimately the movie is a monster of its own; you watch pretty chicks, being Milla and others, running and shooting.
That can’t be too bad, right?

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OMG! I LOL'ed during "Social Network"!

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JAS

OMG! So like I caught this movie called “Social Network” and it was like actually about a social network called Facebook. I mean, if you don’t know what teh Facebook is you are like so not cool and I bet you’d only have like 5 friends on it if you even knew how to open an account.

So like this movie was good, but I didn’t go all like Gaga (yeah, that’s a Lady Gaga reference losers) over it. I mean, if you want to look at the writing it was good. I LOL’ed a few scenes and was pretty entertained, but like it wasn’t any "Transformers". Know what I mean?

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Hotties in Haiku: Nyra from "Legend of the Guardians"

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    



Your freaky big eyes.



Big talk/bitchy attitude.



You evil bride you.


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The lost art of originality.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

As a father, I am sometimes subjected to some of the worst kid movies available. We recently watched Marmaduke. Those of you familiar with the Sunday funnies will recognize Marmaduke as a comic strip following the misadventures of a large dog.

As much as I’d like to rant about how painful the movie was to watch, it brought up a more painful realization. You may have also noticed it as well, the lack of originality coming out of Hollywood. Why is it that every other movie coming out is a remake of some sort?

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not necessarily remakes that are the problem. Some of the best movies out there were remakes; The Departed, The Bourne Identity, Brewster’s Millions and even my all-time favorite Heat.

My beef is with the selection of remakes. Honestly, they’re failed attempts at someone trying to revive their Saturday morning.

Let’s start with Scooby Doo. It was bad enough that they felt it necessary to torture us with more than one.

Underdog took one of my favorite actors, Jason Lee and cut off his balls.

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