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Machete... me in the face because I'm disappointed

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Machete 2010Robert Rodriguez,Alvaro RodriguezRobert Rodriguez,Ethan ManiquisDanny Trejo,Jessica Alba,Robert De Niro,Steven Seagal,Michelle Rodriguez,Jeff Fahey,Cheech Marin,Don Johnson,Lindsay Lohan Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Machete(2010)
 

Those of you who saw "Grindhouse" (in or out of the theater) may recall the mock trailer for a baaad movie that looked amazing. It featured the tagline, "This time they fucked with the wrong Mexican." Time passed and we learned that it was actually being made into a feature film and that made us excited to see it. A few years go by . . . and now “Machete” is here. Was it worth the wait?

Mexican federale, Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), refuses to bow down to the corrupt police force that is in the pocket of NAME (Steven Seagal). Machete goes nuts trying get to the one person who’ll ‘fess up against NAME and ends up losing everything. Now he’s in the United States as a day worker and is hired by a mysterious fellow who wants him to kill a man. That man is none other than Senator NAME (Robert De Niro). He is betrayed, has to clear his name and kill those who tried to frame him.

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Bitter Balcony will be at MIFFF this weekend!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

Come on out and support independent and foreign genre films this weekend in Seattle.

JAS will be in attendance to rub elbows with other film fans and enjoy what we are sure will be some good horror, fantasy and sci-fi films.

Support events like this to stimulate the creation (and hopefully with enough buzz) distributions of people who make films because they love the art of it, unlike Hollywood fat cats that wait for the next cash cow.

If you want to know what JAS looks like check the About Us section, or just follow the bitter. It tends to lead right towards him (us).

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Borat as Mercury ez Nicccce?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Sacha Baron Cohen will play the rock legend  Sacha Baron Cohen will play the rock legend
 

Funnyman Sacha Baron Cohen of "Borat" and "Bruno" fame has been cast as the late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury in an upcoming biopic of the flayboyant singer, according to Reuters(for full article, go to http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=69907). Sacha Baron Cohen will put his dramatic skills on the line, and recover from the lackluster turn as the gay fashion journalist Bruno. As for Queen, band members Brian May and Roger Taylor will be involved in the music soundtrack. A director has yet to be announced.

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Pirhana's 3D - Three dimensions of cheese and gore!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Piranha 2010Pete Goldfinger, Josh StolbergAlexandre AjaRichard Dreyfuss,Ving Rhames,Elisabeth Shue,Christopher Lloyd,Eli Roth,Jerry O'Connell,Steven R. McQueen,Jessica Szohr Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Piranha(2010)
 

When Jaws failed to chew Richard Dreyfuss to shreds 35 ago, the piranhas decided to finish the job - and finish him they do.

After a small earthquake opens a watery rift, a school of prehistoric piranhas come out to play. By “play,” we mean “devour the living crap out of everyone in the water. “ Naturally, their reintroduction to the modern world is timed exactly with spring break.

Bitter Balcony cares not about the gimmicky story line; we want to see some gimmicky horror to go with the gimmicky 3D (with some '80s cheese as a side dish). “Piranha” succeeds at all the above. It hearkens back to a era when horror was all about blood, guts, boobs, and young ladies screaming for their lives (thankfully we are treated to latter more than a few times).

When Eli Roth and Jerry O'Connell make an appearance, we crossed our fingers and waited for the moment they’re destroyed. Roth pays the price for ruining a great role in "Inglorious Basterds" and O'Connell pays the price for… well, being O'Connell.

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Night of the Living Trekkies! A book trailer

 

This is pretty rad. We promise to post actual reviews tomorrow as per usual. :)

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No One Likes M. Night Shyamalan [College Humor]

 

Are you like us and think that Shyamalan is a joke of a director that had a two flukes? Then you'll enjoy this trailer about his career and the horrors within.

Well done College Humor crew!

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