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Sorcerer's Apprentice - Should it make itself disappear?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Sorcerer's Apprentice 2010Lawrence Konner,Mark RosenthalJon TurteltaubNicholas Cage,Jay Baruchel,Monica Bellucci,Teresa Palmer,Alfred Molina Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Sorcerer's Apprentice(2010)
 

Merlin gets ass handed to him. Merlin talks about someone who will one day be as powerful as he. Merlin dies. Merlin's apprentice (one of) is charged with finding this person, so that he/she can destroy the ultimate evil. Enter nerd.

We've heard this "chosen one"/"the ONE" story hundreds of times before. There is only one person that can accomplish said task, he is usually some half wit or nerd that rises to the occasion and ends up getting the hot girl that would not have anything to do with one like him in the real world. Such is a fantasy tale and such is the story for "Sorcerer's Apprentice". How many "the ones" are there out there? If every movie has "the one" doesn't that defeat the whole point of "the one"?

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We have either failed or succeeded at our task!

 

This is either the worst movie in the world or the greatest thing ever created! You be the judge!

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Glitter, Or how I survived yet another disaster

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Glitter 2001Cheryl L. WestVondie Curtis-HallMariah Carey,Max Beesley,Da Brat,Terrence Howard,Kate Lanier, Cheryl L. WestKate Lanier Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Glitter(2001)
 

Hello, my name is JAS and I am a glutton for punishment. I know people that love bad movies and I mean some terrible films, but none have seen “Glitter”. Seriously, I have yet to meet one person that has watched this film. People have watched “Gigli,” but none have seen this. So I set off on my journey and see if I can survive…

The film starts off with a fantastic example of solid motherhood as a drunk singer does her thing on stage with her under aged daughter drinking water at the bar. Then she invites her up to sing a little ditty in front of a bunch of drunkards. A few minutes after this I start to realize that the movie is boring me. Then because of lack of stimuli I notice that I am 6 minutes and 41 seconds into the film and there are still credits being displayed. What's better is that every full minute you get one more person that worked on this movie. 7:16, 8:34 and finally ending at the ten minute mark. Why spread it out? Makes no sense, but it was amusing, so I'm thankful for bad choices.

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What going to the movies is like for The Oatmeal

 




Agreed.

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Underrated Films presents: Bronson

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Bronson 2008Nicolas Winding RefnNicolas Winding RefnTom Hardy, Matt KingMichael Gordon Peterson Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Bronson(2008)
 

Bitter Balcony has found an actor we can rally around and his name is: Ben Affleck!!! A shrewd master of disguise, superbly emotive, and with loads of screen presence to spare, Affleck’s thespian gifts make us spill a tear and dry it with a gentle touch of a silk handkerchief...

…OK, now that we did our best Ben Lyons impersonation, we can actually herald talent. Right now we are showing cinematic props for the chameleon-like Tom Hardy. His popularity has grown since his impressive performance as a clever forger in “Inception.” Hardy is on the brink of stardom, and with the Max Rockatansky role he inherited from Mel Gibson; soon the young Englishman will join previous imports such as Clive Owen and Daniel Craig in ranks of Jolly Cool. And, like Owen’s poker face in “Croupier” and Craig’s wits in “Layer Cake,” Hardy has his own buried treasure in 2008’s “Bronson.”

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Hotties in Haiku: Alison Lohman as Christine Brown

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    


You're burning in hell.



Perky and sweet Christine Brown.



You're burning in hell!

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"Those" directors: A.K.A. The "bait and switch directors"

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,   Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

"Those" directors: A.K.A. The "bait and switch directors"

Remember the film trailer that looked cool, but ended up being a total garbage film? Yes, we have all walked into these pimping traps before. Trailers take the best scenes and try to make the film took exciting and worth watching. And how about "that" director who somehow always manages to sucker you into giving him/her another chance. In this in-depth Bitter Balcony living-room investigation, we will uncover this intriguing mystery:

M. Knight Shyamalan. Once the trailer for "The Six Sense" aired we wanted to see it. We were intrigued by the mystery hinted at in "The Sixth Sense" and happy when the film delivered. Awesome! For the most part "Unbreakable" also delivered. Some would say that Shyamalan knew what he was doing, but Bitter Balcony’s JAS was skeptical and wondered if every mystery would pay off. No, because Shyamalan clearly has become a prime example of what a "bait and switch director" is all about. The trailer reaches out to you, you hope it will be a good $9+ well spent, but leave disappointed.

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