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Where's My Kuato? Unfortunately, Not the Only Thing Missing from 2012's Total Recall!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Total Recall 2012Mark Bomback, Kurt WimmerLen WisemanColin Farrell, Kate BeckinsaleRonald Shusett, Dan O'Bannon, Jon Povill. Based on a novel by Philip K. Dick Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Total Recall(2012)
 

When the preview of the new “Total Recall” premiered, I was bemused by how uninspired it looked. How could a movie derived from one of the best Sci-Fi adventures of the 90’s be so potentially flat? I needed Kuato’s wisdom on this one! I took my ass to Mars, where Kuato popped out from some middle-aged man’s beer gut. Kuato’s slimy and tiny hands gently grab mine’s. I ask him, “Oh, Kuato, am I giving too much credit to a movie that co-starred a three-boob mutant? Is a movie where the most famous line is ‘See ya at the party, Richter!!!’ delivered with sardonic brunt by a 300 pound Austrian muscle-head absolved from the blasphemy of a remake?” Kuato’s calming voice just said “John...open your mind... open your mind... OPEN YOUR MINDDDDD...” My mind uncluttered, I was ready for recall, 2012.

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"Dark Knight Rises" = the best of Batman!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Dark Knight Rises 2012David GoyerChristopher Nolan Christian Bale, Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Dark Knight Rises(2012)
 

“Dark Knight Rises” is great. I can’t top other reviews that praise this film already. Since I can’t do that I will tell you what this film does provide.

“The Bane problem,” as noted by the producers. The problem is really that the audio work for Bane is just under terrible. His audio doesn’t ever feel like its part of the scene, but ADR recording. That being said I, after two viewings, have missed at least three lines. The mask is an issue. The way it was recorded and reinserted is an issue, but let us look at the positive… Christopher Nolan/Tom Hardy (AKA actor god) manage to make a pretty lame villain a leader and one you can get behind. Yes, he is very much a socialist and not a Republican… Suck it, Romney!

Catwoman is just one other great performance/character in this film. Anne Hathaway does a fantastic job and gives the character the depth she deserves. She is neither a villain nor a hero. Walking that fine like is what our perfect Catwoman does and what she does well.

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Dirty Laundry - Short Film

Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

"I wanted to make a fan film for a character I've always loved and believed in - a love letter to Frank Castle & his fans. It was an incredible experience with everyone on the project throwing in their time just for the fun of it. It's been a blast to be a part of from start to finish -- we hope the friends of Frank enjoy watching it as much as we did making it." -- Thomas Jane

We now forgive you for the Punisher film you were in. Well done!

Special thanks to The Cinema Sluts for bringing it to our attention.

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We Need to Talk About Kevin, but I Wish We Wouldn't Have to!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, We Need to Talk About Kevin 2011Lynne Ramsay, Rory KinnearLynne RamsayTilda Swinton, John C. Reilly, Ezra MillerLionel Shriver (novel) Bitter,Bitterometer,meter We Need to Talk About Kevin(2011)
 

Massacres in workplaces and schools appear to be a tragic reoccurrence in the fabric of American society. While many arguments have been presented to dissect the reasons of such unfathomable, massive violence, it’s still one of the bewildering and troubling crimes that somehow feel prevalent, if not exclusive, in this country. “We Need to Talk about Kevin” explores the issue not through the eyes of the assailant or the victims, but from the traumatized peripheral of Eva (Tilda Swinton), the mother of a teenager responsible for a Columbine-like killing spree. The film, told in flashbacks, has Eva reminisce on the extremely malign relationship with her son Kevin, from pregnancy to the bitter confrontations with her innately wicked son. Eva tries to understand what lead to this horrible event while attempting to find some normalcy in a community that blames her for this horror.

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How amazing is The Amazing Spiderman?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Amazing Spiderman 2012James VanderbiltMarc WebbAndrew Garfield,Emma Stone,Rhys Ifans,Martin Sheen,Sally Field,C. Thomas Howell,Denis Leary,Julianne Nicholson,Campbell Scott,Irrfan Khan Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Amazing Spiderman(2012)
 

After many COUGH not many enough COUGH long years we finally get that “Spiderman” reboot that we didn’t really ask for or want. Admittedly, the four-minute trailer really gave us the impression that this movie, while a tad unwelcome, would at least be well made. All of that aside the real question is was the final result good and worth the short wait?

The story of Peter Parker’s path to becoming Spiderman is one we all know and saw a few years back. We know the steps we have to take to get there. The radioactive spider has to bite him and the death of his Uncle Ben acts as a catalyst. We’ve seen it before and this film gives us pretty much the same we’ve seen before. This time around you have Kurt Connors and his eventual alter ego The Lizard to deal with.

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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter tells Your American History Teacher to Suck It!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter 2012Seth Grahame-SmithTimur BekmambetovBenjamin Walker, Dominic CooperSeth Grahame-Smith (Novel) Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter(2012)
 

Revisionist History, ye spite me!!! For anyone that felt offended Quentin Tarantino spun the end of the Nazi reign as a cowboy-up revenge yarn in “Inglorious Basterds,” will now mark the day “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” opened in theaters as another day of infamy. Based on Seth Grahame-Smith’s cult novel by the same title, the story re-imagines Abraham Lincoln as a man whose hunger for revenge against the vampire that killed his mother drove him to become the ultimate leader of the Free World. And while we’re at it, why don’t we let Producer Tim Burton have Timur Bekmambetov, a RUSSIAN, direct the film. Who better to direct a movie about an American legend than a native of our Cold War rival? Oh, yeah, we like them now!

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Prometheus brings us fire, so we can burn this film down

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Prometheus 2012Damon Lindelof,Jon SpaihtsRidley ScottMichael Fassbender,Charlize Theron,Idris Elba,Guy Pearce,Noomi Rapace Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Prometheus(2012)
 

“Prometheus” appeared on our radar with a fantastic trailer that really gave us hope it would be a very well done sci-fi film with some hints of horror, to tie it in to “Alien”. Many touted this film as Ridley Scott’s return to sci-fi and higher quality filmmaking than some of his latest films, many of which are not that great. Unfortunately, he is only successful with the first half.

“Prometheus” follows a crew of scientists who are flying out to a star system that matches a constellation they found on many-a-historic works of art, including a cave drawing. When they arrive to the planet they begin to explore some structures they find and set out to find the alien creatures that are thought to have created man.

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