Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Will you be watching the Academy Awards Sunday? Do you care?

 

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What's Up, Doc? The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus review!

 
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Terry Gilliam is one unlucky man. The mischievous visionary has run into terrible situations in recent projects, most notably the failed attempt to revive Don Quixote (documented in 2002’s “Lost in La Mancha”) and apparent schedule and budget constraints of 2005’s “The Brothers Grimm.” And then, the tragedy of Heath Ledger’s untimely death threatened to doom Gilliam’s latest film, “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.”

The ingenious director was fortunate to complete the film while keeping most of Ledger’s performance intact. And with friends in high places along the lines of Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell picking up where Ledger left off, Gilliam was able piece together this inspired fantasy, perhaps his best work since “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.”

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We wished this Tribe of 'Lost Boys' would have stayed lost

 
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

Surfer vampires kill Tom Savini (the effects guru makes a cameo role) and then the real fun begins. Oh, what the hell, we’re pals, right? Allow us to give it straight: What we have here are the clichés and blunders that occur in far too many Hollywood movies. This ridiculous cash-in on Vampiremania adds nothing noteworthy to "The Lost Boys" or furthers the storyline of the 1987 original which had that ‘80s charm we love.

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Hotties in Haiku: Maggie Gyllenhaal

 




Friends think you're Ugly.

I Think you are beautiful.

I am not picky.




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Alice in Wonderland trashed by Brit reviews

 
Alice in Wonderland

We've mentioned our cautious optimism for this film for a while now, seen HERE. Sadly, it seems there is a good chance that we were right to do so. Our buddy Que has found an article which states that the movie is garbage and they mean business. They go as far as to say that a reviewer even compare it to "Lesbian Vampire Killers" and say it's worse. GASP!

You can read the review HERE.

Advice, Burton... Stop with the remakes. You suck at them.

We will still watch the film with an open mind, but a stronger shield to protect us from the possible feces flying off the screen.

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Independece Day(1996) ID4 - Mothership Connection? Not so much...sort of.. [User Review]

 

Independence Day was the runaway hit of its year. It propelled Roland Emmerich to the A-list, made a star out of Will Smith, and provided audiences with some of the most extravagant special effects and action sequences not seen since Jurassic Park.

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Eww vs. Sewage, eh, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever review!

 
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

We admit the above is the worst title for a review in Bitter Balcony’s history. But it's still not nearly as bad as “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever," a 2002 dog BB caught while on vacation (our vigilance for foul celluloid never takes a day off).

This laugher stars Antonio Banderas as Jeremiah Ecks, the “guy with nothing to lose” – the sort you see at a dive bar sporting a five o'clock shadow and sloshed on bottom-shelf scotch. The FBI finds our man doing just that, hoping he will help them capture Sever (Lucy Liu), a hit woman who kidnaps the son of Gant (Gregg Henry), an enemy of the state who the FBI believes is ready to activate a biological-tech weapon.

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