Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

BItter Balcony Presents Ear-Plugs: The Crow Motion Picture Soundtrack

 
The Crow Motion Picture Soundtrack

Bitter Balcony has a bone to pick with movie tunes. While we still focus on our civil duty to call out those who have no business behind a camera, we will occasionally take a look at those who may or may not have any business in a recording studio. Music is important to us, but like film, it has become harder to find something worth listening to. However, we will review soundtracks and scores from time to time, in hopes that iTunes will sponsor our site (we love you Mr. Jobs!) We hope you enjoy our ear-plug entries. All you musicians collecting some easy cash for the rights of some B-side song playing in some crap movie have been warned.

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Atro Boy - Shoot this movie into space, well kinda

 
Astro Boy (2009)

“Astro Boy” is a robot created by scientist Dr. Tenma whose grief pushed him to such an extent as to resurrect his son as a machine. Astro has to find his place in the world and, unlike the rest of us, he must do it in 90 minutes.

Nicolas Cage, who voices Dr. Tenma, is kind of lame in this one. He sounds so freaking bored in everything he does lately. Movie audiences will not connect with Dr. Tenma’s struggle to bring back his dead son and all the troubles that entails.

Here is the issue: When you clone someone’s brain, whether through genetic means or robotic, the minute it is awakened it starts down the path of gaining its own individual personality. Unless every experience is shared exactly alike from the exact same perspective, the thought processes will begin to drift apart due to the slightly different perspectives on different events.

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Bitter Balcony Throws The First Stone with Religulous!!!

 
Religulous

Bitter Balcony is about to get sacrilegious with Larry Charles' docu-comedy “Religulous.” HBO's talk-show host Bill Maher takes a cynical look at organized religion, as he often does in his "Real Time" panels. He strikes a chord with many of his guests and detractors by questioning how religious figures and institutions hold sway over politics and society.

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Are you F-ing kidding? There is a Karate Kid remake!?!

 
Karate Kid remake - aka - PFFT!

What the hell is wrong with Hollywood? We know there is talent out there because the Bitter Balconites know a handful of them, but they don't get any work. What is Hollywood's paranoia with trying out new ideas?

Someone needs to put a stop to this remake nonsense. It has gone from a source of mild to moderate irritation to a full blown plague on the industry.

We hate to hope this for a movie, but we really hope it tanks "Gigli"-style.

Jackie Chan + Hollywood = 100% suckage

Links to more news and pics inside - if you care, because we don't.

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Moving Pictures Presents: Hotties in Haiku - Drew Barrymore [User Review]

 


When I was age five

I could not understand why

ET wants to leave.




Brought to you by Moving Pictures: Haiku Film Reviews.

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A great synopsis of the Zombie formula! *Now with severed leg flavor!

 
A great synopsis of the Zombie formula! *Now with severed leg flavor!

TheOatmeal.com has posted a great comic strip which should pretty much stand as the first reference for all Zombie movies. Most of the good zombie movies follow this formula and maybe even some of the bad ones.

A great read as a comic and a good reference for any writers out there thinking about writing a zombie screenplay for Hollywood to use as toilet paper.

Source: TheOatmeal.com

More samples inside, but visit TheOatmeal.com for the full comic!

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Top 10 Bad Messages From Good Movies - Source: Wired.com

 
10 bad messages from good movies

There is an interesting article up at Wired.com titled, "Top 10 Bad Messages From Good Movies".

Check it out here. They make some good points about movies we thing are pretty benign.

Things like: changing your physical appearance will make someone love you or a single plant will save a devastated planet.

Then again, what Disney movie is really all that benign?

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