Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Armageddon (1998) [User Review]

 
Armageddon

I wonder why they chose the name Armageddon. They would do this movie more justice by calling it 'The movie where Ben Afleck does a lot of dangerous stuff, survives them and then gets married'. Its also way too predictable and has laughable plot twistings that make you wanna laugh or yawn. Or both. The story is about a big asteroid thats about to crash into the earth and end all life. Willis and Affleck and pals are tasked with saving the earth by blowing it up. Will they be able to manage it? Usually a movie does its best to provide reasonable and believable quests but Armageddon has more seemingly unsurpassable problems than all the Indiana Jones movies together.

2 Comments

Howard The Duck (1986) - "Duck" this one [User Review]

 
Howard the Duck (1986)

It's not just that HOWARD THE DUCK is a bad movie. That would be fine -- I love "bad" movies, savoring them the way a connoisseur might linger over a fine wine, porterhouse steak, or other delicacy. Bad movies are my life to a degree: GALAXY OF TERROR, WEB OF THE SPIDER, Spaghetti Westerns, Turkish made super hero ripoffs with guys running around in skeleton suits, Mexican wrestling horror with some freak in a silver mask fighting vampire babes. Love 'em.

The problem with HOWARD THE DUCK has to do with proportions. You might even say "Less is More" when it comes to a good grade C minus movie, especially if it manages to leave you wanting more. With HOWARD, you want less. Far less.

6 Comments

Independece Day(1996) ID4 - Mothership Connection? Not so much...sort of.. [User Review]

 

Independence Day was the runaway hit of its year. It propelled Roland Emmerich to the A-list, made a star out of Will Smith, and provided audiences with some of the most extravagant special effects and action sequences not seen since Jurassic Park.

4 Comments

Twister(1996) This will blow your mind away....and some brain cells too [User Review] [User Review]

 
Twister (1996)

Mysteriously-funded and irrationally-driven "storm-chasers" gad about the American midwest, trying to throw an aluminum thingy filled with little aluminum thingies into a tornado. They say it's to research these natural disasters. Cue joke about this movie being natural disaster.

Leading the pants-wetting charge is Jo (Helen Hunt) with her team of nonces, including a young, beatnik Philip Seymour Hoffman. Along for the sodden ride is Jo's estranged hubbie and ex-leader of the nonces, Bill (Bill Paxton), with his new psychologist boo, played with closed-kneed stoicism by Jami Gertz; with the talented Cary Elwes as a rival storm-chaser, relegated to Dick Dastardly sniggers.

4 Comments

Space Jam (1996) - One Long Commercial [User Review] [User Review]

 
Space Jam (1996)

This is a terrible movie, and the fact that Leonard Maltin likes it makes me wonder what happened to his brain cells since he introduced the Golden Jubilee series of Looney Tunes videos in 1985. If you want a good Looney Tunes film, check out any of the compilation flicks like "The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Movie."

To start the movie off, we're treated to a supposed-to-be-heartwarming scene in which a young Michael (you know, that classic Looney Tunes character Michael Jordan) is playing basketball outside and tells his dad about all the things he wants to do when he grows up. Yeah, like we need to know why a tall, bald, black guy is playing basketball thirty years later. It's definitely not the nine zillion he makes annually, but because it's his boyhood dream. Besides, one line of adult Michael's slushy-voiced dialogue reveals that he's probably not qualified for too many other professions.

4 Comments

I Know What You Did Last Summer(1997) - Hateful Teens Get What's Coming To Them [User Review] [User Review]

 
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" (1997)

I like to say something positive about every film I review, so I will get that out of the way by saying that Jennifer Love Hewitt never looked better than she does here. The movie poster made her career, along with the scene of her standing in the street and yelling after finding crabs in her trunk (now if that isn't subliminal somehow...). The movie picks up when she starts walking around in that little low-cut blue top. If there is any reason to watch the film now, it is to watch her fleeting moment of glory before she started putting on weight. She looks mighty fine.

Overall, this film is ruined by terrible acting and busy direction. We don't get just a scene of the actors walking along - no, we first have to see a random fisherman carrying a humongous fish, I guess to establish that, yes, those fishing boats in the background do indeed mean that this is a fishing village. Sloppiness abounds.

3 Comments

The Hurt Locker - A Neutral Take On The Iraq War [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

 
Hurt Locker (2008)

My introduction to Kathryn Bigelow was “K-19: The Widowmaker” which wasn’t a good first impression, I mean the movie would have been fine had it not been for the atrocious Russian accents on display by the main cast, which distracts from the story. I haven’t seen “Point Break” but through “Hot Fuzz” and “Mythbusters” I know it wouldn’t appeal to me.

Though none of these really was on my mind when I sat down and watched this film, which I had heard a considerable amount of acclaim behind it as well as being a contender for Best Picture this year (Which there will be 10 nominees). And to say the least experiencing this from beginning to end it is truly one of the best films of year and probably one of the best modern warfare films I have seen since “Black Hawk Down.”

2 Comments