Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Salt – way too much salt [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010Angelina Jolie Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Salt (2010)

Salt – way too much salt

Watching the movie ‘Salt’ is like eating something that has way too much salt in it; I couldn’t even tell what was in my mouth, nothing fresh and nothing inspiring and leaves a plain nasty after taste.

Salt tells a tale that, hey spoiler here so look away, a female CIA agent is accused of being a Russian spy. And then she is on the run, trying to save her husband who was kidnapped, and after that, setting out for a personal revenge journey. See, I am decent, I do not give all the story, still keep the thrill, not that there is any thrill in the movie that worth catching up, but anyway.

1 Comment

Predators - Meat loaf as I remembered [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Predators (2010)

Predators - Meat loaf as I remembered

I remember I used to love the Meat loaf when I was a kid, but these days when imagined eating all I could remember was tasting of the low quality mince, cheap MSG and flavouring in my mouth. Predators however, out of surprise, bring back the old homey meat loaf memories... all meaty, juicy and packed with fun.

Honestly, I thought Predators were dead to me. Sure we had hyped start, when we were not sure where they from and who they were; These days they were like the cheap Kabab shops just about everywhere, since they were handled by random LA cops, they had to fight the aliens, over and over, and they don't even win that well. Predators were like that song from 1987, once infectiously cool but nowadays just plain lame. Or the Meat loaf, once I loved and all I wanted for dinner, now I do not even want to look at them because they're just sad trashy and some times even dangerous to consume.

1 Comment

Little Big Soldier – Jackie Chan’s sweet-sour, original style [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Little Big Soldier (2010)

Little Big Soldier, Jackie Chan’s latest production, is as enjoyable as the classic sweet & sour pork. It's fresh and crispy, no quick/ready sauce used, and done just right… rather enjoyable like Jackie Chan’s earlier productions.

I thought Jackie Chan was dead to me… really. I used to have high respect to this guy, he does all his own stunts and he can move. But ever since he started to receive Hollywood checks he just turned into a stinker stamp. Really. I guess I don't need to put a list here. And the recent ‘Spy Next Door’ really pushed the bar a notch or three lower. I virtually passed out while watching! Then there is Karate Kid.

I don't think Jackie Chan is the one to blame though. Hollywood has extremely shallow understanding of Jackie Chan’s capacity, and the result is the mind numbing/stereotyping of this Jackie cookie. Nearly all his Hollywood production these days are low budget and his personality is always the same, sweet sweet chinglish speaking guy, and the movies are all PG-13 as well, made for Disney’s taste.

Jackie Chan, however, was more than that.

2 Comments

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) |and unfortunately not the last| [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

 
Human Centipede (2009),Bitter Balcony, review, movie revieww, movie, bitter
Human Centipede (2009)

This is a summary of the entire movie in order to save you from the pain of watching it!

[I don't remember how I first came across this movie, nor do I care. Interested in the title, I decided to do a little research and read some reviews which ranged from "this is crap" to "this movie is brilliant!" Because of the wide variety of opinions, I took it upon myself to sit through this "thing" and formulate my own opinion.]

Me Watching "The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (First Attempt)
Yes, it took more than one try to make it though the movie. A mixture of boredom and fatigue set in shortly after the opening credits concluded. The details are vague; lost girls, creepy guy, really creepy guy, girl falls asleep...closing credits. Hmmm, must have dozed off.

Me Watching "The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (Second Attempt)

2 Comments

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time - a classic curry and kabab fair [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

 
Prince of Persia,Bitter Balcony, review, movie revieww, movie, bitter
Prince of Persia (2010)

Watching this movie is like walking into a curry and kabab fair. If you holding an expectation of some food court quality options or street corner takeway flavour, you are heading to a nice surprise.

Let me set this out straight before we go in any further: I don't really know much of the late Prince of Persia games. My memory of the Prince of Persia still stays with the 1989 version, when the game was played on a 320 X 200 with 8 colors. There was very little music and now that I remembered, bad sound effect quality. But back to the time when a computer was not a day-to-day item, the game was absolutely breath taking, the prince's movement smooth, palace level difficulties well designed to engage hours of play time and thrill. It was one of my completed (with confidence) games in early time and one of my old time favorite.

3 Comments

Triangle - Spicy, Yummmm... [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

 
Triangle (2009),Bitter Balcony, review, movie revieww, movie, bitter
Triangle

Triangle is spicy nice little film. Among all the plasticy and plain taste commercial options, it will certainly make you remember, intrigue you and get you to talk about it for a while.

Our single mum girl left home for a sailing day getaway. A sudden storm over-turned the boat and the survivors had to board a cruise ship knowing little about whats awaiting. And obviously, it wouldn’t be comedy, as our JAS here in BB avoided linking a trailer to reserve the surprise for the upcoming viewers.

Without ruining JAS's effort I certainly can't/shouldn't spoil the plot any further, if your mum's bedside drawer you will be seriously worded by mum, monthly allowance canned by dad, and you might suffer post trauma just by what you witnessed unauthorised. And as all food lover know, if you know everything about how a food is made it might really start to taste less interesting. There you go JAS.

6 Comments

Robin Hood - frozen lasagne, reheated [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

 
Robin Hood - frozen lasagne, reheated.

Robin Hood is like a frozen pack of lasagne from the supermarket freezer section. You microwaved it but didn't get to finished. then you microwaved it again. Unless that is exactly what you want, you will not find it satisfying.

In Ridley Scott's latest epic(like) movie, Robin Hood started as a average archer man in King Richard's army. He escaped army when the King was killed during the battle, run into an ambush complex, and ended returning to Nottingham pretending to be the lord. Of course his buntch of merry men followed him all the way, turned from wasted soldiers to legendary battle heros, when Robin himself showed exordindary level of leadership, stretegical planning and ultimate passion to liberty. Without giving too much of the movie out, imagin a cookie cutter hero type from any epic movie.

1 Comment