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Friends of the Balcony
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Dark Shadows(2012)“Dark Shadows” has finally been released from its coffin and allowed to roam free. Much like every Tim Burton remake, er, de-make, this film disappoints. For the first time though, he hasn’t taken the staples of what he is remaking and pissed all over them, but instead watered them down to the point of boredom.
Long synopsis short, Barnabas Collins (frightfully close to Cullens for a vampire name) falls in love with someone other than the witch he is sleeping with and she freaks out. She causes the death of Barnabas’s first and only, of two, true loves and then tops it off by cursing him with vampirism. He awakens in the ‘70s for some hoky and not funny moments of trying to rebuild his family’s fortune and meet a woman and get revenge and, aw shit., the story is much too muddy to care.
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So he doesn't say much and looks like an alien. Think he'll administer the famous "probe"?
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Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake)
Yup, it seems about that time again. Time to get another remake of a classic '80s horror film. On April 30, 2010 to be exact. We'll be making an event out of this possible stinker right here at Bitter Balcony. Why, you ask? Easy. Because it gives us an excuse to see the classics all over again. In the meantime I have to ask, "Is there anyone that is actually looking forward to this?" Furthermore, "Do all the trailers so far just bore, or is it just us?" In the meantime, while you bombard this post with "Hey, you guyz suxorz," and "Dis moviez will be de bombz cuzz McBay is productaping," you can read our original trailer impression HERE and the review of "Nightmare on Elm Street: Part 4" HERE. Tune in April 26 for "Nightmare Week!" |
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Shutter Island (2010)
Shutter Island is like slow cooked lamb shanks. Its got the interesting (to some) sauce and right texture, and spices, but unfortunately the lamb shanks itself is tough or maybe stinky off. The setup of the movie was in 1954, yes, so conveniently there is no mobile phone, no helicopters and no surveillance cameras. A federal Marshal arrived Shutter Island with his partner to investigate the missing case of a dangerous psychiatric female patient. As his investigation progressed further his personal background and traumatic past unfolded, and he realised that this was more than just a missing patient he was confronting. |
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Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake)
Whatever you do – don’t fall asleep! This is what we’d like to think the producers of the “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake are warning us, but we know that once our asses are in those seats, they have our money and don’t care. The trailer starts off decently enough. We get a few spooky settings and Freddy being chased down and burned to the crispy critter we all know and loathe, er, love. We get some shots of the victims-to-be, who seem like your typical teenage cast (not necessarily a bad thing). There’s a pool party shot, making me think they are going to throw in some “Nightmare on Elm Street 2” in there as well. |
