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"The Chase" to find a good Charlie Sheen movie...

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Chase 1994Adam RifkinAdam RifkinCharlie Sheen,Kristy Swanson,Flea,Anthony Keidis,Ray Wise,Cary Elwes,Henry Rollins,Ron Jeremy Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Chase(1994)
 

“The Chase” plays out a lot like current day real life for Charlie Sheen. You have a guy who can’t keep himself out of trouble and just says, “Fuck it,” and gets into trouble because of his impulsiveness and severe lack of filter, all while ‘macking’ it to some hot ladies.

Sheen plays Jackson Davis Hammond, a guy with much too elaborate of a name to be in a movie that has as little character development as this. We prefer to call him Jack. Jack is in trouble. He’s about to go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit and decides the best way out is to hold Natalie (played by the ridiculously good looking Kristy Swanson) hostage with candy bar. What comes is a series of exaggerated situations and the “getting to know you” moments between Natalie and Jack.

The performances are terrible and the overacting is dialed up to 11, but the film still manages to entertain even though most of it is spent in a car that doesn’t ever run out of gasoline. Thank Zod for solar powered and giant fuel-celled cars of the ‘90s. The characters are one-dimensional and the story is as flimsy as the idea that Sheen’s brain is so powerful normal people couldn’t handle its power.

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"Hot Shots!" Retro-Sheen review

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Hot Shots! 1991Jim AbrahamsJim AbrahamsCharlie Sheen,Cary Elwes,Valeria Golino,Lloyd Bridges,Jon Cryer,Kristy Swanson Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Hot Shots!(1991)
 

There was a time when the warlock himself, Charlie Sheen wasn’t so full of himself and tiger’s blood. During this time he made some good movies and he made some cheesy shit. This one qualifies as the latter and he hasn’t aimed higher ever since. He may brag about how great he is, but he hasn’t really tried to do anything “great” since 1990 or perhaps a smidge earlier.

“Hot Shots!” is a film that mocks other movies of the time like “Top Gun” and other military films of the ‘80s. Charlie Sheen plays Lt. Topper Harley a character as two dimensional as he sounds. He’s there only to ham up the pun after pun after pun. While the puns aren’t that bad and the movie entertain it is cheesy shit.

The performances are good enough in the ridiculously over-hammed-up way that you’d expect it to be. It feels a lot like “Airplane” while watching it and even shares a Lloyd Bridges from the series. Valeria Golino stands out in the crowd as she amps up the sexy to some ridiculous lines and situations. Her performance is probably the best in the film. Kristy Swanson who co-stars in “The Chase” has a cameo, as does Jon Cryer from “Two and a Half Men.”

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Twister(1996) This will blow your mind away....and some brain cells too [User Review] [User Review]

 
Twister (1996)

Mysteriously-funded and irrationally-driven "storm-chasers" gad about the American midwest, trying to throw an aluminum thingy filled with little aluminum thingies into a tornado. They say it's to research these natural disasters. Cue joke about this movie being natural disaster.

Leading the pants-wetting charge is Jo (Helen Hunt) with her team of nonces, including a young, beatnik Philip Seymour Hoffman. Along for the sodden ride is Jo's estranged hubbie and ex-leader of the nonces, Bill (Bill Paxton), with his new psychologist boo, played with closed-kneed stoicism by Jami Gertz; with the talented Cary Elwes as a rival storm-chaser, relegated to Dick Dastardly sniggers.

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