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Ass hits the seat, lights go out, trailers finish and another torturous session begins. We start off forced to believe that there was an Autobot ship that crashed into the moon and no one ever thought to mention it in the first or second movie. Furthermore, we are to also believe that Mr. Witwicky has yet another drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Last I saw, Shai LeBeouf was a nerd at best and in the Transformer’s films he doesn’t even have fame to back it up. Naturally, things start off ridiculous.

The story features yet another threat that could give the Decepticons another edge to defeat the Autobots and take over Earth. Sentinel is brought back from the moon and revived only to betray the Autobots. Somehow the Autobot ship brought with it twenty or so Decepticons and, “Hey, look at that,” no Autobots. The Decepticons bring on the troops and plan on taking over Earth’s resources to rebuild their broken world. The writing is nothing more than a few gallons of dribble to get you from one showpiece to the next.

“What Just Happened?” it’s not only the title of the film, but what you’ll be asking yourself when this movie is over. How can a movie with so many talented actors be such a steaming pile?

Ben (Robert Deniro) is a producer dealing with the threat of a decline in his Hollywood clout. He has a movie that tested poorly, a director that doesn’t want to make the changes the moneymen want and a marriage that’s two shakes of a lambs tail from over.

The film wants to show the life of a producer in Hollywood. What we get is a bunch of whiny man-children that don’t deserve the huge paychecks they get. I get that artists can be temperamental, but these adolescent temper tantrums do not provide humor or drama. All they do is beg for someone, Ben not being that character, to slap their collective heads and force some reason into these utterly full of shit people.