Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

"Melancholic Fantastic" features a young girl, Melanie Crow, who has lost both her father and her mother and finds herself with only one friend. That friend is a creepy cracked face doll whom speaks to her. That is until one day at a library super goth boy, Dukken, starts to chat her up. As the doll begins to disapprove of Melanie's new friend things begins to slowly unravel. What will become of Melanie and her friend and her… other friend? The answer to that will be alluded to in the next few paragraphs.

The direction is solid, especially considering this is a low budget film and one could easily assume what kind of compromises had to be made. However, the director/writer, A.D. Calvo could have asked more of himself as a writer/director and asked for a tad more character development. After all, without the main character having a journey, do we have a story at all?

“Meat Market” is one of those terrible examples of a poorly made indie films that just so happens to be 90+ minutes long and qualifies for feature film status. What’s worse is that Netflix sees it fit to negotiate for streaming rights. Short of a long rant, this means that Netflix will stream anything that qualifies as a feature film no matter how bad it is.

“Meat Market” is an elementary example of filmmaking at best. The "film makers" of this film take the zombie genre and make it as cheesy in it’s poor DV style as it could be. This even includes an extremely poor monologue-ish moment with a guy who says, “fuck,” thirty-too-many times. Honestly, it's quite embracing.

The performances, editing, writing and directing are so sub-par we couldn’t suggest this poor excuse for a film even as a joke. There are gratuitous boob shots, but again, so poorly done we can only hope for death before the end of the scene arrives.

We could go on for paragraphs on how terrible this film is, but why bother? This film is horrid. Everyone involved is terrible. The only reason to watch this film is if you hate yourself so much you want to drive yourself to suicide.

Those of you who saw "Grindhouse" (in or out of the theater) may recall the mock trailer for a baaad movie that looked amazing. It featured the tagline, "This time they fucked with the wrong Mexican." Time passed and we learned that it was actually being made into a feature film and that made us excited to see it. A few years go by . . . and now “Machete” is here. Was it worth the wait?

Mexican federale, Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo), refuses to bow down to the corrupt police force that is in the pocket of NAME (Steven Seagal). Machete goes nuts trying get to the one person who’ll ‘fess up against NAME and ends up losing everything. Now he’s in the United States as a day worker and is hired by a mysterious fellow who wants him to kill a man. That man is none other than Senator NAME (Robert De Niro). He is betrayed, has to clear his name and kill those who tried to frame him.