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Armageddon of the Transformers Bad Boys... (USER REVIEW)

 

Transformers II

So I recently saw a Michael Bay snippet in Robot Chicken regarding a trailer for an upcoming movie called, “Michael Bay Explosions!” or for short, BAY ‘SPLOSIONS! Genius (as Seth Green and Robot Chicken always is) and right to the heart of the matter. Thus, that is my review. Go if you love BAY ‘SPLOSIONS and can’t get enough of non-stop BAY ‘SPLOSIONS coming at you left and right to the extent that it’s more of a suspension of disbelief that anyone on planet Earth survived all those explosions more than it is to believe in the existence of Autobots…

I did, however, leave the theatre with the following thoughts and questions:

1. Apparently Bumblebee and the Jar Jar Binks twin Autobots have no problems driving across endless stretches of desert sand, so why not just drive all the way up to your location? “Um no, Bumblebee, you stay right here. I prefer to run along with my girlfriend across 5 miles of sand, carrying this here precious cargo in my tube sock, while Michael Bay sees how many explosions are possible in that span of time….” BAY ‘SPLOSIONS! And then after running across 4 of the 5 miles, “Oh, here you are Bumblebee. Hanging out by this decrepit building making sure my afternoon sprint for my life fared well. Since you don’t seem busy why don’t you drive the ‘rents somewhere safe?”

2. Uh, see above. WHY are there Jar Jar Binks twin Autobots? Seriously, they even have buck teeth. Really? And I ask again, really? And after the leaving the theatre with that query on my lips I find I’m not the only one asking this question: (http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b131045_transformers_revenge_of_jar_jar....)

3. Um, see #1 again and the endless driving ability across all terrains. We are so not asking the Autobots to leave our planet (their penchant for destroying monuments aside). They are obviously the answer to ending our dependence on foreign oil.

4. Why is Transformers: the Revenge of the Fallen almost 2 ½ hours?

5. There is no doubt of how attractive Megan Fox is. However, I do question the choice to go beyond lipstick or gloss to outright shellacking her lips. They were so blindingly shiny it’s a wonder The Fallen didn’t consider her an alternate fuel source for more “energon” instead of our sun.

6. If **SPOILER ALERT** Optimus Prime has taken the lifeforce of the “Oldtimer” and thus has accumulated new powers, why does he appear to shed the Oldtimer parts after defeating the Fallen? On the ship at the end he seems back to his usual self. Why in the world would he ditch the ability to fly? Yes, 18-wheelers are cool. (Especially the Pork Chop Express. You are so cool if you get that shout out.) But big rigs are NOT cooler than the ability to fly. “Optimus, honey, are you still not feeling 100% after that mean ol’ Megatron hit you?”

7. Speaking of flying…. What were the NEST soldiers shooting? Have they seen Blackhawk Down? Because after that nail-biting, heart-breaking movie I gotta say I loathed and never wanted in my life again to hear, “RPG!!!!!!” But I did learn that seriously powerful machinery is vulnerable to any ol’ humanoid who happens to be toting around a rocket-propelled grenade launcher. So if I’m a NEST soldier, I know what requisition form I’m filling out...

8. I like John Turturro.

Thanks for reading fellow Bitter Balcony friends! I leave you with one final note:

BAY ‘SPLOSIONS!!!!!!

KitanaDiva

Images:

Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Kruger, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Peter Cullen, Roberto Orci, Shia Labeouf, transformers, Transformers 2, Tyrese Gibson, user, bitter balcony Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Kruger, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Peter Cullen, Roberto Orci, Shia Labeouf, transformers, Transformers 2, Tyrese Gibson, user, bitter balcony Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Kruger, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Peter Cullen, Roberto Orci, Shia Labeouf, transformers, Transformers 2, Tyrese Gibson, user, bitter balcony Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Kruger, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Peter Cullen, Roberto Orci, Shia Labeouf, transformers, Transformers 2, Tyrese Gibson, user, bitter balcony Alex Kurtzman, Ehren Kruger, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Megan Fox, Michael Bay, Peter Cullen, Roberto Orci, Shia Labeouf, transformers, Transformers 2, Tyrese Gibson, user, bitter balcony

Trailer:

Official website:

Transformers II

Credits:

Directed by: Michael Bay
Written by: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Peter Cullen





Source of the Bitter: KatanaDiva

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
LyndiT on Thu, 08/06/2009 - 8:45am

Come on... seriously? This is a movie about Alien talking robots... action packed weird, walking, animated TALKING ROBOTS... Is the movie SO bad it is not even worth being labeled at least "Entertaining"?

JAS on Thu, 08/06/2009 - 8:52am

I agree that this movie is utter dross, but I think the foundation for a compelling story is there. If it was handled by someone who can respect that a Transformers movie should be about... you guessed it, Transformers (and not just explosions and some neurotic young talent) it would be great.

I think there is plenty drama to be had about a race who's planet has been destroyed and are on an alien planet to fight off their enemy and/or defend the natives of this planet, Earth.

In the series Cybertron is still alive and well, which I think was an almost unforgivable mistake made by Bay's adaption. I'll have to devote more time as to what I would have wanted to see from this film a little later.

Que on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 5:17pm

transformer 2 movie has a lot in common with a Bee nest -

1 if you look into it for plot holes, they are all over it.

2 somehow they look puffed for their actual weight

3 very noisy. very very noisy

4 when the sweet bit is gone, it actually taste like wax and paper.

yes i went to watch it for the sweet bits, but got stung by the hot-girl-transforming-bot bit and many other, now my brain is swollen.

JAS on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 5:28pm

Haha! You might want to see a Dr. for that! Just make sure his last name isn't Bay. :)

Que on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 9:19pm

don't get me wrong, the sweet bits were still sweet, the weapons, the college porn, the running Megan Fox (ah, she just kept running and running and we have the frontal view, and then she had fall and the sand and then she struggled up and kept running for more), but unforturnately the instant pleasure don't last very long at all.

except that bouncing babe image in my head, still.

JAS on Wed, 07/29/2009 - 9:34pm

It will never go away. At least we have that to keep us from being self destructive after watching that crap for 15 hours (it felt that long anyway).

xcacalito on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 3:05pm

we like the shit the cars that go boom.. anybody remembers that song? yes only me. Thats what it is!!. Stupid storyline and just syfy. I love sci-fi, but please , you always insult my inteligence. Give me a good story and something to follow correctly . Instead Michael bay gives you Hippy di Hop humor and EXPLOSIONS!! hey bubba , throw another firecracker up the robots ass.. ha ha huh huh? .. duh. BOOM!! look out duh. wow that boom was good. It was like watching bugs go into the zapper. Sure the actors are good characters, but make my mom eat brownies and not know she is not high??!!. She will know she is high and she will make alot of cakes!!!. Please Michael gay. Your just toooo easy don't insult my intelligence, but i've already been dupped. I already bought the ticket and you have my money. Whatever I went to have my fun with your crap. Honestly the first movie was fun. Now we are too believe there is nothing going on?? two years ago!! nothing happends and it's a cover up???, people did not see that there were huge robots fuckin' up a city?? and wait there are girl transformers?? ins't that supposed to be a terminator??.If transformers hid as vehicles thats what made them popular. They are mechanical. If they decided to hide in society , they would of chosen that route a long time ago??!! Who is the writer of this shit..Please if you prefer to keep it up, NO try something different. You did good with the first Mikey Gay. it was decent. this is just junk on my brain.

JAS on Mon, 07/27/2009 - 8:04pm

I'd edit 8 to be - 8. I like John Turturro... except in this series.

I'm also honestly surprised that more people weren't offended by the Jar-Jar-bots. Not only were they lame I thought they were offensive - and I'm pretty damn hard to offend.

I'll comment more a little later. :)

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