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Clash of the Titans - Lazy pizza base with fried rice topping [User Review]

 

Clash of Titan was a serve of pizza with fried rice topping. I was intrigued, expected, then confused, felt cheated and ripped off, and left with unsatisfied anger.

It came as a breeze of junkfood addiction at the beginning, after the all Oscar fuzz and enthusiasm. After the run-down country singers, the homeless huge black kid, a terminal father walking with know-nothing son, I thought some brain less sugar won’t hurt. Being not a big avatar fan, and seeing Alice’s total cardboard screwup, and before Iron Man really arrives to scratch the itch, we have Clash of Titan. Right? Right?

Clash of Titan promised a lot of things. It has epic story tell (Gladiator and Troy), the gods and their super powers (Xmen), Greek warriors and their tummy (300), the Titan (King Kong and Hulk) and 3D CGI (yeah, right). And you also have Sam, throughout the movie wearing no pants.

All very luring.

Until you actually walk into one of the sessions.

The epic story is all meshed up. For the highlighted Medusa battle, the winged sandals turned into black Ferraris, no special helmet. The shield was not from Athena but some random hunters, the sword was actually a light Sabre. Medusa was not sleeping. She was wearing snake pants and tossing darts when Sam walked into the door. That is just the beginning.

Zeus was an idiot and Hades was a terrorist, and none of them have any real power. Alright, Zeus turned into a bird a few times and Hades could teleport in smoke form. Big deal. Athena was nowhere to be seen, then had nothing to do with Medusa. Greek soldiers served as meat shield, and none of them can fight for real. Andromeda’s maid was prettier than her and she didn’t get to have relation with our Sam at all. The Kraken was in deed a giant octopus, body mess was his only strength. Medusa’s head was used only once then tossed into the sea.

I suppose they will have a lot of stonefish for Agros after.

The deviation of the original tale was just the beginning of the disaster. The movie was telling a story in a very fastfowarded fashion, stopped at nothing and developed nothing. The direction had no focus and design had no juice, the gods looked really plastic and CGI lazy and inconsistent. I think the movie maker didn’t want to turn the audience into stone so we didn’t get to have a full frontal glair of Medusa’s face at all, she was totally computer rendered and look like from a cheap PS2 game somewhere.

And if there is no titan, why is the movie called ‘*^#%^ the Titans’?

At least Percy Jackson got to wear the winged sneakers and his Medusa was much better.

I saw no need for the 3D glasses at all. The extra money I paid was totally a shameless scam. There was no emphasize or effort on the depth of the graphics. Many battle scenes I took off my 3D glasses and saw no loss of the graphics.

And Sam was just being Sam. There would be no surprise if through some of the battles his arm skin was reapped and showed me some metal bones; and honestly near the end I was expecting some huge hurricane over the city with a flying saucer and a Marsian wearing sunglasses in the sky.

At least that would be entertaining.

The movie, Clash of Titans’, was made with a twist of difference in mind. Unfortunately not all twists are good. I felt sorry that there might be at least another 10 years before the beautiful story being re-attempted, it was too good and legit for a total screwup like this.

The pizza was marketed as thin and crispy, beautifully baked and garnished with wonderful innovation topping. And I got a thick, greasy and lazy base with some dumb takeaway fried rice as topping. And oh, you can look at it through 3D glasses which is extra charge.

Honestly, reading a book is better.





Source of the Bitter: Que

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
JAS on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 6:11pm

Let's see...

Agreed.

Agreed.

Agreed.

...and agreed.

The only think I can take away from this is that I didn't spend the extra money to see this in 3D. I knew I was walking into a literal shit storm and I didn't feel the need to get it flung in my face with fancy glasses.

P.S. My review comes to the net tomorrow. :)

Que on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 8:35pm

ah, don't know where you live but where I am now, the cinemas don't even offer the 2D sessions. they are all 3D and all in for the cash.

3D movies sucks anyway. havn't seen any good ones in my life yet. except some of the documentaries.