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Dark Shadows should have remained in the shadows where no one can see!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Dark Shadows 2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Dark Shadows(2012)
 

“Dark Shadows” has finally been released from its coffin and allowed to roam free. Much like every Tim Burton remake, er, de-make, this film disappoints. For the first time though, he hasn’t taken the staples of what he is remaking and pissed all over them, but instead watered them down to the point of boredom.

Long synopsis short, Barnabas Collins (frightfully close to Cullens for a vampire name) falls in love with someone other than the witch he is sleeping with and she freaks out. She causes the death of Barnabas’s first and only, of two, true loves and then tops it off by cursing him with vampirism. He awakens in the ‘70s for some hoky and not funny moments of trying to rebuild his family’s fortune and meet a woman and get revenge and, aw shit., the story is much too muddy to care.

Let’s get through performances, shall we… Johnny Depp is the typical weirdo he plays every other movie – SNORE. Eva Green uses her sex appeal to be the sexy witch and at times is wishy-washy about her accent/performance. Michelle Pfieffer… welcome back. Chloe Mortez, we’ve got our eye on you. There is a serious acting career in Mortez’s future, but not because of this film. Special congratulations goes to Tim Burton for wasting Christopher Lee's time on this one.

Direction is flat and at times extremely uninspired. Burton never had any magic as a remake director, but he seems to be loosing the wonder he was able to create way back when. Danny Elfman’s score seems, like the movie, to have no clear direction. Are we modern, are we vintage, are we being serious or funny… who knows?

Ultimately, the movie suffers from the, “I want to be funny, but serious, but funny.” This confusion leaves the humor lacking and the drama dead flat. In the end, this is best to catch on Netflix if even that.

Trailer:


Pics:
Dark Shadows2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee  Dark Shadows2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee  Dark Shadows2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee  Dark Shadows2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee  Dark Shadows2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee 

Credits:
Directed by: Tim Burton
Written by: Seth Grahame-Smith
Cast: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloe Moretz, Gulliver McGrath, Helena Bonham Carter, Jackie Earle Haley, Christopher Lee


Source of the Bitter: JAS

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