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Eww vs. Sewage, eh, Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever review!

 

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

We admit the above is the worst title for a review in Bitter Balcony’s history. But it's still not nearly as bad as “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever," a 2002 dog BB caught while on vacation (our vigilance for foul celluloid never takes a day off).

This laugher stars Antonio Banderas as Jeremiah Ecks, the “guy with nothing to lose” – the sort you see at a dive bar sporting a five o'clock shadow and sloshed on bottom-shelf scotch. The FBI finds our man doing just that, hoping he will help them capture Sever (Lucy Liu), a hit woman who kidnaps the son of Gant (Gregg Henry), an enemy of the state who the FBI believes is ready to activate a biological-tech weapon.

Ecks has no interest in assisting his former employer until he is told by team leader Julio Martin (Miguel Sandoval) that he knows the whereabouts of his presumed deceased wife Vinn (Talisa Soto). Ecks then agrees to stop Sever, who appears to be the wild card in this predicament. Sever, however, has her own agenda, one that links Ecks, Vinn, and Gant. At least that’s how we remember the plot going, since “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” is mainly about Lucy Liu judo chopping every extra hired for this movie.

The producers had to know they were in trouble when they decided to make a film written by Alan B. McElroy, whose career highlights include “Spawn”, “The Marine” and “Wrong Turn." Paper has been put to better use next to a toilet than in McElroy’s typewriter. “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever," was directed by Wych Kaosayananda, who is credited here as Kaos, proof that we should all be wary of films directed by foreign one-name directors (Pitof, Ash). Kaos, please!

"Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" has limited top talent to begin with,hence the acting is mediocre at best. Banderas has managed to have a long career based on his ability to charm; you can call him "Subtitled John Travolta". His Ecks seems more bored than bitter, and no stub on his face will convince us that he has great range. Lucy Liu is slightly better with her great poker face (perhaps this is what landed her the role of O-Ren Ishii in the “Kill Bill” epic). Ray Park is Gant’s top henchman Ross and while he has excellent moves, when it comes to talking and acting, we see why he is kept in heavy makeup and dubbed in several films. Gregg Henry is OK as Gant, but who cares? “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” is only worth watching on cable in the wee hours in some hotel room – and even that is a stretch.

Images:

Trailer:

Official website:

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Credits:

Directed by: Wych Kaosayananda aka Kaos
Written by: Alan B. McElroy
Cast: Antonio Banderas, Lucy Liu





Source of the Bitter: John Rojas

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