First I'll list a few simple reasons:
1. Stephen Sommers
2. Remember Helsing, it'll be that bad.
3. Remember how great the trailer for Mummy was and how not so the movie was. This'll likely be the same case.
4. Marlon Wayans... riiiight.
5. Delta 6 accelerator suits. Even though they were such a huge part of the cartoon. What? They were never in the cartoon!?! [NEW]
6. You know that just watching Sienna Miller isn't worth $9.50 and 2 wasted hours of life. [NEW]
7. Arnold Vosloo isn't punk rock enough to be Zartan. [NEW]
8. Destro's design. [NEW]
9. Cobra Commander's design. [NEW]
10. Stephen Sommers.
Let's face it. We are all on the same boat here as we were for Transformers. We see flashy effects, "big" names, and slow motion running/jumping and we are suckered into thinking, "Hey, this could be as cool as the cartoons I watched as a kid." Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but IT WON'T. Using my psychic powers I can tell you what will happen on 8/7/09. You will walk in the theatre, sit, watch trailers for more bad Hollywood movies, then shake your head for two hours as you realize that you have just blown $9 and soon two hours of your life, too. Yes, you will think that the trailer looked like it could be good, but the movie was shit.
I know, I know. How do I know these things? Well, maybe because it happens time and time and time again.
One more item that should have been in the five points above should probably be Dennis Quaid. I'm sorry, but at this point we can all agree that Dennis Quaid is who you get when you just can't get any real star. Why haven't I added him to the list? Well, because even though he sucks the guy does have a little charisma, so I'll give him a break... This time!
Another thing that makes me pause about this movie (not that I was interested in seeing it from the start) is the writers like working with Dennis Quaid so much they added an extra 15 minutes of screen time to his character. Not because the story needed it or because it would help develop his character, but because they liked the guy. This sounds like stellar writing if I have ever read about it before.
One last point. Why is it whenever you make a movie with characters whose commutes are of varying colors do they all get redesigned to be wearing black. I understand muting the colors out a little, but come on. This also goes back to what I have said in the past (pre-this-site). Just because you name a character a certain name doesn't mean that it is that character. If it doesn't look like Destro, doesn't sound like Destro, it must not be Destro.
Along with this costume design mess i have to ask, "What is this accelerator suit business?" I don't recall this from the original series, ever.
On an "interesting" note, Zartan is in this. I wouldn't be surprised if they turned him into a vampire in this movie. Furthermore, is he going to turn purple when exposed to sunlight?
In conclusion, don't see this movie in the theatre. If you give Hollywood money for the crap they make they will think that you want crap, so they will make more, you guessed it, crap! Boycott the bad and only give your money for the good. Hopefully, Hollywood will follow the rules of supply and demand and start making something worth watching.
Side Note: As far as number 2 - I'm sorry, but anyone who can take a movie with Dracula, Frankenstien's Monster and the Wolfman and mess it up has some serious issues as a filmmaker.
And the proof comes piling in. No Press Screening is available for the film and now the word is spreading on how much it is likely to suck.
Also, I believe the rumor that Sommers was kicked out of the editing room and that there was a horrible screening of the film. Of course the producers are going to deny or calm down the storm. They just tossed millions into a failure.
HERE is a breakdown by boston.com about the little no screening ploy.
Inviting fanboys like Harry Knowles does not constitute a real honest review on GI Joe as a movie.
PS. When your budget is this big there is no excuse for a bad film!
And we're off!
HERE is a great (very Bitter Balcony) blow by blow review of the first night watching GI Joe, by Newsweek.