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The Green Hornet: a shitty review for a shitty film.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Green Hornet 2011Seth Rogen, Evan GoldbergMichel GondrySeth Rogen, Jay Chou Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Green Hornet(2011)
 

Let’s get it out of the way, “The Green Hornet” is a piece of shit. There, that’s as much eloquence as this trite movie deserves. The rest of this review is a wreck of poor grammar and fragmented sentences. This dung is so loud and obnoxious we’re surprised Jonah Hill wasn’t Kato, which would have made the possibility of getting shot in the face by a double-barrel shotgun a more appealing pastime. I kept nodding off from time to time in the theater, and every time I would wake up I realized why I was falling asleep in the first place.

The only complements I have about my viewing of “The Green Hornet” belongs to the very cozy stadium seats I laid on, which has nothing to do with Seth Rogen or director Michel Gondry. Gondry proves that “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” was such a good Charlie Kaufman script that any half ass filmmaker not named Michael Bay could have done a fair job.

I feel bad for Jay Chou, who makes his American debut inheriting the role portrayed originally by the great Bruce Lee. Yes, Rogen and Gondry managed to fuck up a previous Bruce Lee role. Hopefully Chou will get better work, or at least stay as far away from Rogen as possible.

Cameron Diaz looks hot and does nothing for this film. James Franco has an amusing cameo and Christoph Waltz has an awful haircut. Waltz, keep your inner Cuba Gooding Jr. locked deep, deep inside you. Look, I know this review is awful and shouldn’t be read by anyone, but if anything I have ever written before goes hand in hand with a movie, this insult to writing is suited for this insult to filmmaking.

Trailer:

Official website:
The Green Hornet

Pics:
The Green Hornet2011Seth Rogen, Evan GoldbergMichel GondrySeth Rogen, Jay Chou  The Green Hornet2011Seth Rogen, Evan GoldbergMichel GondrySeth Rogen, Jay Chou  The Green Hornet2011Seth Rogen, Evan GoldbergMichel GondrySeth Rogen, Jay Chou  The Green Hornet2011Seth Rogen, Evan GoldbergMichel GondrySeth Rogen, Jay Chou 

Credits:
Directed by: Michel Gondry
Written by: Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg
Cast: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou


Source of the Bitter: John Rojas

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
JAS on Fri, 01/21/2011 - 7:19pm

Brilliant title! Thanks for taking this bullet for us!

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