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Inspector Gadget - Wowser! This one's a doozy! [BONUS content included]

 

Inspector Gadget

There are moments when police officers are at their best - and moments when they are at their worst. John Brown (was this really Gadget’s name?) has a long day of goodness followed by a night of not-so-goodness. Why, you ask? He blows up. Then a bowling ball, which flew up from the explosion, lands on the poor evil bastard’s hand that he was chasing. This poor evil bastard becomes Claw (note the lack of “Doctor”), because he gets a metal claw for a hand. The cop is an entirely different matter.

When a cop is lost in the line of duty (in cinema, of course) he can either become a robo, er, cop, who fights Enforcement Droids of the 209 variety or he can become a halfwit stuffed with Silly Putty and yo-yos. Yo-yos like the team behind this film and the star of the show.

When one sits in front of the TV to watch a movie like this he/she is advised to shove his/her head in a bucket of ice water until at least half of his/her brain cells have up and died. Then and only then, will you realize what a failure this movie is without attempting to bring forth an early Apocalypse.

The screenplay for this movie was obviously written by someone who didn’t really care for the original series. It’s pretty sad, as this movie could have at least been fun to watch. This film fails in obvious and not-so-obvious ways. The obvious includes a non-blonde Penny, no super-powerbook book - and Brain is just a dog with no telecommunications collar. The worst offense is that the cool gadget mobile is a slick-talking jackass that doesn’t even transform. Sure it has a honkin’ engine, but it should be a minivan and a race car at least, and not talk. The not-so-obvious… well they’re all obvious.

What about the performances? Surely a cast lead by Matthew Broderick must provide some level of genius. Nein! That would be German for hell no! Inspector Gadget should have got a little German engineering in him. Then maybe he would be worth crap. Broderick doesn’t try to add a thing to this film. He shows up for his paycheck and that’s it. Hey, Matt. How about at least attempting the trademark Gadget voice? For wowzers’ sake! Rupert Everett is in it, too. This is a man who has talent, but in a movie like this, in such a serious need dying and being brought back as a good robofilm, even he can become a go-go-gadget bad actor. Andy Dick is in it, too. Let me say that again, Andy Dick is in it, too. OK, you get the idea.

I was surprised that they went back to how our dear Inspector got his gadgets and tying it together with Claw’s clawygoodness. I would have preferred they didn’t even go there, since it is plenty weak. The rest of the film follows a flat romance with one of the designers of gadget technology and some robotic duplicate of him, which looks like plastic and has bad teeth, wreaking havoc on the city.

At this point why bother with direction? If it were even decent, it would have compelled David Kellogg to chuck this screenplay in the trash. The movie is handled as standard as possible. Its obvious Disney told these people, “Look, you are getting a good paycheck out of it, so just shoot the script and shut up.”

On a good note, because even the darkest moments in history have at least one, I did laugh twice in this film. The first was Gadget telling his love interest the “I will find you” speech. You know, the typical romantic/heroic nonsense. The other was a scene where Claw says this isn’t a Saturday morning cartoon and then stares into the camera. Silly, but for some reason, it got a chuckle.

Sure this review is a little chaotic and not very clear. You may be thinking to your self, “But was it any good?” There is an easy answer to that. As soon as this review is submitted this author will crush his own hand, drive really fast, flip the car, light an explosive cigar and go boom. Well, at least it would be more fun than this movie.

Images:

Trailer:

Credits:

Directed by: David Kellogg
Written by: Kerry Ehrin and Zak Penn
Cast: Matthew Broderick, Rupert Everett, Joely Fisher, Andy Dick


For those old school Gadget fans that know Dr. Claws face was never shown you can consider yourself wrong. There was a video game for the Super Nintendo and a figure (sold in a box blocking the face) that showed his face. Personally, I was disappointed, but here it is in case you have never seen it.

Dr. Claw's "real" face:

The box blocking his face:


On a side note, here is a new Inspector Gadget meets Taken spoof trailer, by G4. That last "go-go-gadget" is a brilliant!





Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
LyndiT on Mon, 08/31/2009 - 12:27pm

Inspector gadget is a hard stunt to pull off, for more reasons that I have time to describe. Yet, in the hands of Pixar or Dreamworks I might have at least read the posters at the theater, sorry but live action inspector gadget with an sort of disrespect for the original silly series... well, thanks for the heads up. Poor inspector gadget will be lucky to get to me even through Netflix instant watch.

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