Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Nightmare on Elm Street trailer depression, um, impression

 

Nightmare on Elm Street (Remake)

Whatever you do – don’t fall asleep! This is what we’d like to think the producers of the “Nightmare on Elm Street” remake are warning us, but we know that once our asses are in those seats, they have our money and don’t care.

The trailer starts off decently enough. We get a few spooky settings and Freddy being chased down and burned to the crispy critter we all know and loathe, er, love.

We get some shots of the victims-to-be, who seem like your typical teenage cast (not necessarily a bad thing). There’s a pool party shot, making me think they are going to throw in some “Nightmare on Elm Street 2” in there as well.

It’s all well and good until crap shows its face. In this case, it’s Freddy. When we finally get a glimpse of the star of the show, we learn two things. 1. Jackie Earle Haley can’t do the Freddy voice. 2. His makeup is probably going to be pretty lame.

Once you see Michael Bay’s name in the credits, you can safely assume that the film will be fluff-packed. although he did a good job on the “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake. (Dear Zod! Did I just give Bay a compliment!?!)

So what are my thoughts on this?

I’m not expecting much. I would love to think that the remake will be great - maybe better than the original - but this will not be the case. I would argue that Robert Englund is replaceable, but after hearing the new Freddy’s voice, I would be wrong. Dead wrong.

However, if you’re a horror fan, just watch it because there’s nothing of quality coming out these days. Take what you can get. For everyone else, avoid it – you already know what it’s like to hand Bay your near-$10. It never turns out well.

Oh, yeah... What is the deal with him sounding like he's wearing a over-sized retainer???

Here is the trailer, so you can see for yourself how Bay wasted yet another few minutes of your life.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
Juice (not verified) on Sun, 10/03/2010 - 2:11pm

You can see about 10 episodes of "Just the ten of us" on Youtube - type in "Just the ten of us". Heather plays "Marie", the oldest and overly pious daughter.

I saw Heather at a convention like you, but I got invited to the after-hours party by Spider from the Return of the living Dead. Heather was there and she told me that her show was canceled after just 2 seasons because the President of ABC was offended by the show's jokes aimed at the Catholic Church.

Which is odd, because I thought the show was trying recruit me into the Catholic Church.

JAS on Mon, 10/04/2010 - 3:25pm

Oh nice! Thanks for that!

How was the after party? Any other celebs there or interactions with them worth mentioning?

Moneymen really shouldn't be able to make some decisions, but sadly the whole industry is at their mercy. Also, isn't it nice when creativity is stifled by religion?

Johhny Juice (not verified) on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 11:24pm

I was 18 when the first NOES came out and I did not see it, or any of the sequels, until 2010! (26 Years after the first!).

The only reason I watched any of them is cause I found out that Heather Lagenkamp was in them. I discovered the Nightmare on Elm Street Movies because I saw her in the "Just the Ten of Us" TV show - NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND LIKE ALL THE NORMAL PEOPLE.

The real sad part is that when "Just the ten of us" was on (1989-90)I lived in the hood and got beaten up quite reguarly, so I used to watch her show and wish that my neighbors were like her TV family.

I actually had the chance to confess this to her at one of the Return of the living Dead 25th anniversary parties, and instead of calling me a loser for watching her show at age 24, she said it was sweet that I watched her show even if I was on crack.

Heather is a total Doll with a brain. I got her to sign my guitar. I even played the Just the Ten of Us theme song and told her to sing it - and she didn't know any of the words (:-0

JAS on Sun, 10/03/2010 - 11:42am

Hey, thanks for the great story! It sounds like you've gotten yourself out of a bad situation and that's great.

One of the great things about movies and tv is the escape it can provide from the horrors of the real world. I never caught her show, but plan to check it out now that I'm aware of it.

As for Lagenkamp, I saw her at a horror convention here this year and she did look like a sweet person. So that's a +1 for Lagenkamp support! :)

JAS on Thu, 10/01/2009 - 8:03am

Get those rotten tomatoes ready! I actually kind of liked "Freddy VS jason". By NO means was it a great film, but it was nice to see that the people who made it knew the characters and had fun with it!

Throwing can commence in...

3...

2...

1...

Just so I don't loose any credibility I'll say that when a movie is bad, but knows it and embraces it it can actually be enjoyable.

"Doomsday" is a good example of this. Had the people who made that film not known that they were making camp and tried to make a serious film it would have sucked royally. Since it was handled with a level of fun and exaggeration I found myself really enjoying it and laughing at it, in a good way.

Que on Thu, 10/01/2009 - 4:11pm

if it was because I am cooking pasta for 6 people tonight..... you will get all my tomatoes. or I can use canned ones...

I think it is time to start a top ten list of movies that 'you know it is crap but you loved it anyway.'

JAS on Thu, 10/01/2009 - 6:17pm

I think you are right. A top ten guilty pleasures might not be that hard to get together.

PS. Thanks for using your tomatoes for your cuisine and not to bury me for previous statements. :)

Que on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 3:30pm

didn't we just have a Jason vs Freddy bomb not long ago? I still have the sting in my head whenever I thought about it... sorry I didn't survive that one, I had to walk out the cinema and play the arcade car race to pass time so I could go home together with the others.

oh, right, that one was 2003, almost 6 years ago... well, what can I say, my wound heals very slow.

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