Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Top 10 reasons NOT to see Twilight: New Moon

 

Bitter Balcony always tries to bring you the honest truth as we see it. Sometimes its a little harsh, but this time we have requested help from Anne H. to narrow down the top 10 best reasons (out of the many there are) NOT to watch Twilight: New Moon.

1. Because you can watch ANYTHING else.
2. There's more tension in a Cirque du Soleil tightrope than in any of Stephenie Meyer's plots.
3. Vampires burst into flames in the sun. They do not "glitter".
4. Alice is actually the coolest character in the books/series and she's not given enough to do.
5. Hard to believe Dr. Cullen just gets these doctor jobs every 10 years or so in some other cloudy town and nobody ever checks his resume, which goes back to 1914.
6. The term werewolf does not mean that they should look like oversized dogs. See Underworld.
7. Because "You're a vampire" is truly the lamest answer to give to someone taunting you, "Say it! Say it!"
8. As vampire stories go, I expect to see SOME human get bit/eaten/turned - not just Bambi.
9. Just because you were turned at 17 doesn't mean that you stay 17 mentally forever. Apparently, Edward is a mental midget.
10. The two male leads and the female lead are plenty shallow and annoying in this film. Whine, whine, whine! Get over it and move to the sunny desert if you can't handle the vamps!

The first argument of "you peeps didn't read the books" is invalid. We judge movies and as a movie the first one was pretty freaking lame.

However, we have enlisted the help of Anne H. who has read the books to help us create the list above. We at the balcony have decided to waste our time a little more wisely and take turns in a Chinese water torture cell.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
CrazySpy (not verified) on Tue, 03/02/2010 - 10:18pm

Ha, ha!

Que on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 9:29pm

I am smart enough to call the 'no go' card on this one. ah, feeling of survival is such a sweet experience....

JAS on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 8:36am

Yes, knowing that you have sense enough to stay away from something that is sure to make you bitter is a great survival tactic.

I think the Bitter Balcony crew might get the shaft on this one though. hehe

Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 2:28pm

Dear Jas,

I hate you.

JAS on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 2:30pm

Dear Mrs. Not-so-anonymous,

I love you, too!

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