Ass hits the seat, lights go out, trailers finish and another torturous session begins. We start off forced to believe that there was an Autobot ship that crashed into the moon and no one ever thought to mention it in the first or second movie. Furthermore, we are to also believe that Mr. Witwicky has yet another drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Last I saw, Shai LeBeouf was a nerd at best and in the Transformer’s films he doesn’t even have fame to back it up. Naturally, things start off ridiculous.
The story features yet another threat that could give the Decepticons another edge to defeat the Autobots and take over Earth. Sentinel is brought back from the moon and revived only to betray the Autobots. Somehow the Autobot ship brought with it twenty or so Decepticons and, “Hey, look at that,” no Autobots. The Decepticons bring on the troops and plan on taking over Earth’s resources to rebuild their broken world. The writing is nothing more than a few gallons of dribble to get you from one showpiece to the next.
The animation seems cartoony and the Transformers lack a certain heft when considering how much these things must weigh. Special effects are the usual over-glossy fare. In the case of the Transformers they seem to be overdesigned and over-articulate. Direction follows Bay’s normal boring crap. “Look flash!” “Looks slow motion!” “Look, utter horse shit!”
The comedy is turned up to a pretend 11 in this film. None of it is particularly funny, John Turturro’s character is forced in, LeBouf gets too much screen time and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is nothing more than the ass-shot she first appears showing in this film. Alan Tudyk was funny though. John Malkovich is in it and proves yet again that Bay has no idea how to use talent. Leonard Nimoy voices Sentinel Prime. Nimoy rocks in general, so he adds a bit of class to the character.
Michael Bay smashes our toes in with a steel mallet once again. The worst part of it is that we paid him to do it knowing the disappointment ahead. At least this abusive relationship is consistent right? Right?Trailer: