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The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 - SIGH!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1  2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)
 

First off, this is the first wedding I ever cried during. No, not because it was romantic or believable, but because I knew that this was the beginning of two hours of my life I’ll never get back. It didn’t help that these characters are so miserable they can barely muster a grin during the wedding that they’ve spent three movies chasing. From the moment the paralyzed guy moved his foot to grab a letter on the floor it was clear this movie was going to be just as bad, if not worse, than the prior films.

The first thirty minutes of this film has absolutely no narrative. It’s a wedding and a honeymoon and frankly feels like it’s ending from the very beginning. Unfortunately, it goes on for another hour and a half after that. Bella gets pregnant and we spend a good portion of the film watching her look like shit while the vampires, who clearly have nothing to do with their undeath at all, dote over her.

There is one really great scene where the werewolves are telepathically talking to each other and it feels like we are watching a terrible deleted scene from Disney’s Lion King. It was quite laughable.

I’ve read articles explaining how this movie is a woman’s fantasy instead of what men use action movies to fantasize about. I don’t make fun of this series because I’m making fun of someone’s view of what romance is. However, I can’t get behind people that are clearly miserable and fight a constant uphill battle for love that doesn’t make them capable of smiling. Romance should bring happiness not misery.

Beginning of a spoiler, if you care:

The one scene this movie would have been watching for is the scene where Jacob must bite and tear at Bella’s stomach to rip out the child that is killing her. This is a scene they should have handed off to George Romero and let him have his fun. Instead, we get some blurry scenes with Edward’s face going out of the frame and some gross sound effects.

End spoiler.

In the end, don’t watch this movie if you are not sadistic like myself, though I spin it as a humanitarian effort if at least one person reads this review and stays away from this movie. If you weren’t a fan of the series before then know that this movie won’t change your opinion in any way.

And to think… There is going to be another one… Long sigh.

Trailer:


Pics:
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer  The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 2011Bill CondonKristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson,Taylor Lautner,Anna Kendrick,Jackson RathboneStephenie Meyer 

Credits:
Directed by: Bill Condon
Based on work(s) by: Stephenie Meyer
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Anna Kendrick, Jackson Rathbone


Source of the Bitter: JAS

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