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Valhalla Rising the level of bitterness we have

 
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Valhalla Rising (2010)

"Valhalla Rising" does not rise Valhalla, but it might rise the hoards of dead Vikings waiting for Ragnarok because they want to hand the writer and director's asses to them due to this overwhelmingly boring film. Mads Mikkelsen has managed to bring a certain charm to the characters he's played in the past, yes even in the lame duck that was "Clash of the Titans". However, in this film he gets the shaft in the way of a character that has every opportunity to be cool and never is.

One-Eye is a Norse killer, er, warrior. Apparently, he passes from one "owner" to another every five years or so and is put in matches to kill other… Who knows what? He is fed and chained by a young boy, Are, whom he decides to babysit once he breaks free from his captors. Why is he this way? How did he loose the eye? What compels him to move forward? Take a guess right now and you'll know more than we do and we've seen the movie. That brings us to the biggest problem this film has…

This film works in the absence of… Well, the absence of everything. There is no action, no character development, no music except some vibey crap and an endless loop at one point. The biggest thing missing is a story we can give a crap about. This is of course if you look passed the preachy jackass that constantly mentions Jerusalem and God and their roaming. They wander, they float along, they sit, they sleep they suck ass.

This movie is a total case of false advertisement. The trailer makes it seem like there is something to this One-Eye character, but there isn't. It makes it seem like there is something he's after, but there isn't. The only thing in this film is a lot of waiting for the end to come and it doesn't come soon enough.

Interested in knowing more of what the story is like? Check out THIS exclusive Bitter Balcony outline!

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Trailer:

Credits:

Directed by: Nicolas Winding Refn
Written by: Roy Jacobsen, Nicolas Winding Refn
Starring: Mads Mikkelsen, Jamie Sives, Maarten Stevenson





Source of the Bitter: JAS

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