Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

We wished this Tribe of 'Lost Boys' would have stayed lost

 

Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

Surfer vampires kill Tom Savini (the effects guru makes a cameo role) and then the real fun begins. Oh, what the hell, we’re pals, right? Allow us to give it straight: What we have here are the clichés and blunders that occur in far too many Hollywood movies. This ridiculous cash-in on Vampiremania adds nothing noteworthy to "The Lost Boys" or furthers the storyline of the 1987 original which had that ‘80s charm we love.

We get two sibling ass-wads (Tad Hilgenbrink and Autumn Reeser) who move into a new town and ALL IN ONE DAY (!), get phone numbers from random people, invitations to parties thrown by “famous” people, laid by the “hot chick” and embraced by a vampire. Neither one of these jackasses can tell when they are drinking human blood and although it may have some religious comparison to wine, blood does not taste like wine.

Then we get… wait for it… wait for it… Corey Feldman. That’s right. He’s back and doing what he likes to call "acting." But wait, where is Corey Haim? If you’ve seen THIS teary-eyed laughable piece from "The Two Coreys," then you’ll know that the studio doesn't care. But there is lame little surprise during the end credits. Let's just say, "LAME."

Performances by Hilgenbrink and Reeser are boring, as is the stereotypical main vampire Shane (Angus Sutherland with an odd accent). Is originality that difficult? What is with Feldman's pseudo tough guy voice? We ain’t buyin’ it. Also, you’ve got to love Moneca Delain as a vampire so incompetent she can’t bite a guy whose neck is 1cm from her. But at least she likes to show off those boobies.

The studio should atone for this travesty by staking the cast and crew on public television. Yes, it’s that bad. It’s just a suggestion though; so you can take it or leave it.

Images:

Trailer:

Credits:

Directed by: P.J. Pesce
Written by: Janice Fischer, James Jeremias
Cast: Tad Hilgenbrink, Angus Sutherland, Autumn Reeser, Corey Feldman, Gabrielle Rose





Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
JAS on Fri, 03/05/2010 - 8:31am

Yeah, it was a struggle, but in a way I just looked at it like my Everest. Well, one of may Everests I've reviewed for Bitter Balcony anyway. :)

ourladybeth (not verified) on Fri, 03/05/2010 - 6:27am

... you actually finished watching it? I'm amazed. I couldn't do it. I might have been 40 minutes into the film when I turned it off and I don't do that often. Bravo you.

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