Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Bitter Balcony reported about “Norwegian Ninja” a few months back and after all that time we’ve finally been able to sit and enjoy it’s B-movie antics… or did we?

The movie’s synopsis is as simple as it gets; the true story of how Commander Arne Treholt and his Ninja Force saved Norway during the Cold War. Of course by “true story” they mean a ridiculously bad ninja movie in the style of late ‘70s camp. There are things like the secret island they live on being protected by a Feng Shui barrier. This is totally ridiculous as Feng Shui is probably the furthest thing from a weapon you can use. It leads to a great scene (seen in the trailer) that provides a hearty laugh.

The movie should have continued to tap into this ridiculousness and purposefully bad miniatures for the special effects, but somehow misses the point. It’s not easy to point to one or two direct things that are what fails. It just seems like they had a great idea and somehow missed the point when they started shooting it. There are a few gems that survived from the script, but overall it was a tad too unfunny.

Steven Soderberg has made movies from artsy explorations of characters to Science Fiction films with a romantic and heavily ambient tone to a Hollywood film about the war on drugs. These are but a few themes he’s explored. He’s never attempted to shoot a straight up action film, which is what he set out to do with “Haywire”.

“Haywire” begins with a fight a diner followed by an interesting car jacking. From there we begin to learn how Mallory (Gina Carano) got to that point and what the motivations are for the rest of the tale. Mallory, a black ops soldier, has been betrayed and plans to find out who did and why. The bodies begin to pile as she gets deeper and deeper into this tangled web of lies.

Today is the day that major websites have decided to show the world what it would be like if the US government passed one of the two proposed bills pretending to protect intellectual properies while in fact giving them free reign to shut down any website they want for any reason.

Watch this:

Now call your local politicians and make them really know that this idea sucks!

I commence our late recap in film by thanking all the studios out there for releasing EVERY movie produced in 2011 within the span of ten days! The “let me save my dysfunctional family by building a petting zoo” movie, the “Swedish Punky Brewster” movie, the “Tom Cruise shrugs off his height shortcomings by climbing skyscrapers” movie, the “charming little artsy black and white French movie that will win all our callous American hearts” movie, the “interspecies love story of a boy and his horse” film, the “washed up actors assemble New Year’s” movie, and how could I forget Tintin (if anybody knew who he was to begin with). All that, and I haven’t mentioned the other half of films released in the last month or so.

Bitter Balcony loves to support filmmakers, film fans and all around swell people. Today we introduce you to Cinema Sluts a new podcast by two of our friends Matt Ellison and Chris Fred. I know, I know. We were hoping for some film themed photo shoot, too, but this podcast is totally worth a listen or three.

Chris and Matt are both thespians and avid movie watchers. Armed with some great film knowledge they aim to entertain and enlighten. Thankfully they accomplish both!

Take a moment to listen to their podcast below and do your best to spread the word.

After some of the best movie posters, teaser trailer and various promotional materials we’ve seen for a movie, “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” has finally arrived. When it was announced there was much trepidation here at Bitter Balcony, because we were sure that no one could top the work that Noomi Rapace did as Lisbeth Salander. While we weren’t right, we weren’t right either, but it’s not for the reason we thought.

Naturally, comparisons between the Swedish version and the US version are going to be made. While the movie wasn’t a remake of the Swedish film per se it is an adaption to novel that had already been adapted to film. And as such comparisons are justified since we are given the choice on which to rewatch based on which film was better. The US version of the film does three things differently than the original: It has a different structure for the first act, it has various changes to some components of the story, and it has a different dynamic for the relationship between the two main characters.

The “Immortals” dies an early death by way of being forgotten. Tarsem Singh showed that he was willing to be, and capable of being, really creative and having a very singular aesthetic. The scenes from “The Cell” that took place in the serial killer’s head were awesome to watch and the entirety of “The Fall” was a real treat to watch. In “The Fall” he showed that he can weave his style into a well-told tale and each was complimented by the other. Sadly, this is not the case for “Immortals.

“Immortals” follows Theseus as he is chosen by Zeus to stop King Hyperion who is on a quest to destroy humanity and the gods, if the plan works out.