Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Idiocracy (I'm an idiot for watching it)

 
Idiocracy, Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Mike Judge, review, Terry Crews, bitter balcony

Idiocracy… man, like I didn’t see this one coming.

Here’s the films plot: Private Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson), the definition of "average American", is selected by the Pentagon to be the guinea pig for a top-secret hibernation program. Forgotten, he awakes 500 years in the future. He discovers a society so incredibly dumbed-down that he's easily the most intelligent person alive.

When the smartest man left in the world is Luke Wilson you know you have problems.

I can’t really provide much in the way of serious criticism for this movie. It’s written and directed by Mike Judge who gave us Bevis and Butthead. Should I stop writing on how bad this movie is now? No? OK, you asked for it.

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Book of Fallout, I mean, Eli

 
Albert Huges, Allen Huges, commentary, Denzel Washington, Fallout 3, Gary Oldman, lookout, Michael Gambon, Milla Kunis, post apocalyptic, bitter balcony

 

Book or Eli

Here we have one of two Post Apocalyptic films coming out over the next few months (early next year actually).

Denzel Washington plays Eli. A man in possession of sacred book that will save mankind. Not sure what there is left to save according to this trailer, but I guess he means well. He will do anything to defend it and that is what the trailer shows.

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GI Joe Re... so lame

 
animation, GI joe, Joaquim Dos Santos, Lauren Montgomery, resolute, review, bitter balcony

G.I. Joe - Resolute

The only thing this Joe cartoon is resolute on doing is sucking as much as the movie likely will.

Here I foolishly thought well, the movie is probably going to suck, but at least we’ll get a decent animation out of it AND with the original costumes. Well, I got crap.

The movie starts in a decommissioned Cobra base. This base becomes active, computers with broken screens turn on and launch a large set of missiles that it had just underground – as in the obvious underground not the deep deep underground.

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Rorschach watches the Watchmen Director's Cut

 
director's cut, review, rorschach, watchmen, zack snyder, bitter balcony

Rorschach’s journal: 7/22/09

Just finished watching the Director’s Cut of Watchmen. Left with a strange taste in mouth.

Given more information just as I’d expected, but not sure if it was all good… or welcome.

Changes to closer match the comic have resulted in a slight fix in pacing, but destroying one of the indestructible man’s greatest lines.

[more inside the cold digital link]

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Say It Ain't So, Johnny Depp (Courtesy Hollywood & Fine)

 

Marshall Fine, a great critic and one who ain't afraid to call b.s. when he sees it, writes a great post on his blog, Hollywood & Fine, LINK about the diluting of the star power of Johnny Depp. If "Public Enemies" weren't "meh" enough, he has all kinds of remakes, sequels and other non-amazing work in the works. And now, a redo of "The Incredible Mr. Limpet"??

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Holy *#!@: The Holy Mountain review

 
Alejandro Jodorowsky, review, The Holy Mountain, bitter balcony Holy Mountain (1973)

The first film I saw from Chilean underground director Alejandro Jodorowsky was Santa Sangre. I was attending film school at the time and my friend Damian Rosa, who is a very mild mannered man with a passion for heavy metal and Bergman films, recommended this film to me. I was pretty intrigued by the cover art, a girl mime posing with the letters of the tittle in yellow, green, and red highlights. I ventured into this film with no clue what it was about but I expected some kind of bizarre trip. Yes, I did get that, a weird, Felliniesque story of a mother and son knife throwing tandem. It was also a very profound tale of the search for truth and self worth that provokes thought, but most importantly, moves your heart. No, it's not Stepmom or Terms of Endearment, no need for a hankerchief. I was very impressed and interested to find out more about this crazy, intelligent man's work.

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Do we really want a Surrogate?

 
Bruce Willis, commentary, Jonathan Mostow, lookout, Surrogate, bitter balcony

Welcome to Bipolar Theatre, where flatter and bash all at the same time!

I start watching the trailer for Surrogates and think, "Hmmm, this could be interesting."

Surrogates, robotic representations of yourself which you control with your mind from the safety of your own home, this enabling you to live out your wildest fantasies without any risk of anything.

Want to jump off a building? Done.

Want to sleep with that hot stranger? (You know, because this doesn't happen already) Done.

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