Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Skyline - Crap is on the horizon!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Skyline 2010Colin Strause,Greg StrauseEric Balfour,Scottie Thompson, David Zayas Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Skyline(2010)
 

I’ve started writing this review three times. Each one of those three times I have been stumped as to how to go about it. It’s not that I debate whether the movie is good or bad. It is clearly a bad film, but how to describe why it sucks in an entertaining manner.

First the movie follows a cast of characters from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Clueless”, so they were already clutching at straws when they were casting this film. Do they do a horrible job? No. Do they do a good job? No. They show up, read their lines, try to look interested in the project then cash their checks on the way home. This is almost an acceptable response from any actors who read the script for this movie. It was clearly going to be forgotten before it even past its opening night.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Bitter Balcony sister site: That One Song From dot com!

 

I'd like to take a moment to introduce you to Bitter Balcony's sister site, ThatOneSongFrom.com!

What is it?

ThatOneSongFrom.com was created to serve as a quick method to find those great songs that are in movies and remain uncredited or not included in the soundtrack fo the film in question.

Why spend hours upon hours searching Google and forums when you can get that information quickly?

What can it be used for?

Quick access to rare songs:

We’ve all been there. Asking the Google, “What is that one song from…?” This is typically followed by hours of reading forum conversations of just the same thing and either being mislead or not finding anything at all. Now we can store all those songs and the movies we are in quickly!

Community supported:

This site is what you make it! Thanks to the tools available on the site you can add those rare songs you’ve already gone through the trouble to find and hopefully find some new ones along the way.

We look forward to all the rare hidden gems we crave to hear!

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

The #1 thing you need to know to become a successful filmmaker!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,   Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

Don't read posts or emails that are titled like this one.

Only realize, there is no spoon.

Read More   

2 Comments

"Bloodrayne: Third Reich" proves Uwe Boll still sucks the big one

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Bloodrayne: Third Reich 2011Uwe BollMichael Paré, Natasha Malthe, Brendan Fletcher, Clint Howard Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Bloodrayne: Third Reich(2011)
 

There are few constants in this universe, sure. There is death. There are taxes. Then we have the simple fact that EVERY Uwe Boll movie will suck the teste’s off a donkey. A foolish man would think, “With practice Boll has got to get better.” The simple fact is the universe has already dictated that any movie with the name Uwe Boll attached will suck really really badly.

If you didn’t read the above and come to your own conclusions let me recap. “Bloodrayne: The Third Reich” sucks! Not only does it suck as a movie, but also sucks in just about every way a movie can suck. Screenplay = sucks. Acting = sucks. Cinematography = sucks. Direction = Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll = sucks.

Now that I’ve cleared up how crappy this movie is we can move on to the more saddening parts of a trilogy that doesn’t have the decency to prove that a vampire movie don’t always have to “suck.” Pun totally intended.

Read More   

2 Comments

Transformers 3 - Same shit no matter what turd it transforms into

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Transformers: Dark of the Moon 2011Ehren KrugerMichael BayShai LeBeouf,John Malkovich,Frances McDormand,Josh Duhamel,John Turturro,Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Transformers: Dark of the Moon(2011)
 

Ass hits the seat, lights go out, trailers finish and another torturous session begins. We start off forced to believe that there was an Autobot ship that crashed into the moon and no one ever thought to mention it in the first or second movie. Furthermore, we are to also believe that Mr. Witwicky has yet another drop dead gorgeous girlfriend. Last I saw, Shai LeBeouf was a nerd at best and in the Transformer’s films he doesn’t even have fame to back it up. Naturally, things start off ridiculous.

The story features yet another threat that could give the Decepticons another edge to defeat the Autobots and take over Earth. Sentinel is brought back from the moon and revived only to betray the Autobots. Somehow the Autobot ship brought with it twenty or so Decepticons and, “Hey, look at that,” no Autobots. The Decepticons bring on the troops and plan on taking over Earth’s resources to rebuild their broken world. The writing is nothing more than a few gallons of dribble to get you from one showpiece to the next.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Mad Max weekend exists! #WastelandWeekend

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

We've talked about the Thunderdome in Burning Man in the past, but this completely focused on "Mad Max." By fans for fans people can dress up in their latest leather, spikes and goggles and venture to the Mojave Desert (preferably in an Interceptor) to spend three days with other likeminded fans.

"Experience the Apocalypse Sept 23rd–25th at Wasteland Weekend 2011, a 3-day post-apocalyptic party in the Southern California desert. Slated to occur in the Mojave desert north of Los Angeles, the costumes-mandatory event promises to build on the success of Wasteland Weekend 2010, an event which brought out some 400 people, was covered by G4 and the Associated Press, and was honored by a special acknowledgement from Mad Max film franchise director, George Miller.

Wasteland Weekend features themed vehicles, post-apocalyptic sports, Bartertown vendors and hundreds of impressively costumed attendees. Nightfall brings live music, stunt shows, metal grinders and fire dancers."

Here's a G4 post about it:

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Bitter Balcony turns two!

 

Could this be the beginning of the terrible twos? There is a good chance that it could be the case since Hollywood does nothing but pump out crap we can rag on, so stay tuned. Of course, we would prefer that you, the users (think “Tron”), take advantage and use this site to voice your discontent with Hollywood’s blasphemy. Sign in now and submit a review.

This year we have a major redesign planned to empower you, the user, to post your own reviews and stake your claim to fame by bashing the meager yet overpriced works of Michael Bay, Uwe Boll and/or M. Night Shyamalan… You know, terrible directors.

Moreover, we have plenty planned and should be rolling it out before the end of the year. If you want to show your support then please take the time, and every “time” you get, to comment on posts and contribute your own.

We look forward to reading your reviews!

Read More   

Voice your opinion!