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"The Smurfs" looks fucking terrible!

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Frankly, I’m going to step up on this imaginary soap box and say that I fucking hate the way that Hollywood has let shit directors like Michael Bay, Stephen Sommers and Raja Gosnell piss all over my favorite ‘80s cartoon characters in the way that they have. “Transformers” turned out to be two terrible movies and a third is on the way. “G.I. Joe” turned out to be one of the worst films I’ve seen ever and now we have “The Smurfs”.

I just saw the trailer and think it is the worst thing I’ve seen in ages. Not only does it succeed in making me hate Hollywood just a tad more, but it makes NPH himself, Neil Pattrick Harris, look like a chump for even participating in this terrible-looking film. Damn, NPH, do you need a feature film on your resume THAT bad?

The terrible trailer is attached. Feel free not to watch it if you value your memories of ‘80s cartoons.

Also, I'm glad that John Lithgow bailed on this turd. Mad respect, Lithgow!

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Emerald City Comiccon 2011 Impression

 

These things happen (hellboy)

This weekend I, JAS, of Biter Balcony went with two friends to dive knee deep into nerddom at Emerald City Comiccon. While there we witnessed the horrors of the socially awkward and the nerdy joys of cosplay.

Admittedly, we didn’t hang out much beyond taking a few pics of the nerds, buying some lantern rings (Yup, you read right!) and trying to see the actors that were present. Sadly, the actors were all on their own floor this time and you had to walk way over to see them. While this was a wise choice due to William Shatner’s presence it was also a bummer because you couldn’t just stroll by and scream, “Hey Shatner! Why did you hug that mountain?” This was a sad sad thing.

Pictures are worth a thousand words, so enjoy a few thousand words below:

By JAS:

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Underrated Films presents: Matinee

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Matinee 1993Charles S. Haas   Joe DanteJohn Goodman, Cathy Moriarty Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Matinee(1993)
 

“Matinee” is a fun Joe Dante movie that captures the magic of film during perilous times. Set and shot in Key West, Florida, "Matinee" follows Gene (Simon Felton) a teenager whose family is stationed the military base. Gene’s father is in a ship heading towards Cuba in 1962 in the mist of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Gene's constant moving has left him hesitant to make friends, the only company being his kid brother Dennis (Jesse Lee Soffer). But there is one refuge for which the young man can always count on, the wild, audacious films of maverick filmmaker Lawrence Woolsey (John Goodman).

Woolsey, who is on the cusp of bankruptcy, takes his cinema on the road with his partner and main star Ruth (Cathy Moriarty). A constant optimist and innate gambler, Woolsey lands on the Southernmost point, and make his newest horror extravaganza "Mant" into the town's hottest ticket. As Woolsey rolls the dice with this latest movie, his best fan Gene has a transformative bond with the producer, and along the way discovers love and forges friendships.

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Blade Runner sequel or prequel a go! We have a 50/50 view on it.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,   Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

Recent news say there's a “Blade Runner” sequel or prequel on the way. The one good note here is that the contract seems to specifically say there is no remake allowed. Thus, a shitty Michael Bay remake is not a possibility.

Personally, I don’t feel like this is either necessary or a good idea. In fact, “Blade Runner” should be left alone. All thirty-seven cuts should be left to exist as they are. OK, so there aren’t thirty-seven cuts, but bear with us. The movie should be left alone. No sequels should be made and no prequel should be commissioned.

Now that we have the formalities out of the way let us say that the sequel that is on the way should be based on the novel “The Edge of Human” by K.W. Jeter. The sequel novel is a great read and exactly what a sequel should be.

For more on this read our upcoming review of the sequel novel.

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Hotties in Haiku: Lornette 'Mace' Mason from "Strange Days"

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

You love that 'Squid' freak.



You kick some serious ass.



"It's real time," you scream!


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"Aidan 5" episode 2 online!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Aidan 5 2010 Aidan 5(2010)
 

We interviewed the fine young peeps that made “Aidan 5” some time ago while they were still pimpin’ their "48 hour film project" entry. Now we find it has become a web series. If the first episode is any indication it’s going to be a must-watch web series with a unique visual style and story.

Check out their first episode HERE!

You can also read our interview with the series' creators HERE.

Maya Sayre's interview can be read here and her "Hotties in Haiku" here.

Visit their official site HERE.

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JAS will be at Emerald City Comicon on Saturday!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

I, JAS, will be roaming the sacred halls of pure nerdfest that is Emerald City Comicon on Saturday. I should be there most of the evening/afternoon. If you see me feel free to do a stop-and-chat.

Last year's pics/review can be read here.

More info here

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