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Battleship - Let us hope it sinks and we never see it again! #LouNoble

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Battleship 2012 Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Battleship(2012)
 

One of the blogs I follow is photographer Lou Noble's blog. Typically, he posts up photos he takes, but a few days ago he posted the greatest favor he has ever done for us. He took the bullet and watched "Battleship" for us. Needless to say, it is as shit as we expected.

He goes on to say, "I'll say this: Director Peter Berg? Bravo for doing such a splendid job copying Transformers. I didn't think anyone could make as awful a movie in quite the same way, but you nailed it!" "Transformers" is exactly what this movie looks like and if you’ve read any of our past Michael Bay inspired rants… That is NEVER a good thing.

He also talks about movies like this one being made to lure people in to the theater without ever offering anything, entertainment included, and that this movie is a prime example of why people hate summer blockbusters. The list of similarities between the board game and the movie is so juvenile/ridiculous it really makes us think a five year old wrote the script. Noble points this out by providing a bulleted list that gets sadder and sadder as you read on.

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Blade Runner sequel confirmed... Thoughts and theories follow...

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,   Bitter,Bitterometer,meter  

Today is an interesting day… It was confirmed that the “Blade Runner” prequel is in fact a sequel that won’t star Harrison Ford. We had hoped that the sequels (though we prefer just the one film and no sequels) would have used K.W. Jeter’s sequel novels as a basis for the future films. As it turns out, the next protagonist will be a woman. This could be the sequel novel “Eye and Talon” which while we admit sounds interesting, we have yet to read the novel – not easy to get in the states though we have it now. Nothing has been confirmed except that it is a sequel and a woman will head up the cast. Also, Ridley Scott will direct and the original writer will be writing the screenplay. These things all sound promising, but we are talking about a sequel to a film that really doesn’t need anything in way of a sequel or prequel.

For those who haven’t read “Edge of Human”, “Replicant Night” and/or “Eye and Talon” give them a read at your earliest convenience. They truly are great sequels to the original film and add a fair amount to the mythos created by Scott and crew.

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Dark Shadows should have remained in the shadows where no one can see!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Dark Shadows 2012Seth Grahame-SmithTim BurtonJohnny Depp,Eva Green,Michelle Pfeiffer,Jonny Lee Miller,Chloe Moretz,Gulliver McGrath,Helena Bonham Carter,Jackie Earle Haley,Christopher Lee Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Dark Shadows(2012)
 

“Dark Shadows” has finally been released from its coffin and allowed to roam free. Much like every Tim Burton remake, er, de-make, this film disappoints. For the first time though, he hasn’t taken the staples of what he is remaking and pissed all over them, but instead watered them down to the point of boredom.

Long synopsis short, Barnabas Collins (frightfully close to Cullens for a vampire name) falls in love with someone other than the witch he is sleeping with and she freaks out. She causes the death of Barnabas’s first and only, of two, true loves and then tops it off by cursing him with vampirism. He awakens in the ‘70s for some hoky and not funny moments of trying to rebuild his family’s fortune and meet a woman and get revenge and, aw shit., the story is much too muddy to care.

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R.I.P Maurice Sendak

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review,    

Legendary children's author Maurice Sendak died today at the age of 83. Sendak has been credited for bringing darker, psychological topics to the usually safe fare of children's literature. His crowning achievement came in 1963 with "Where the Wild Things Are," which was the basis for Spike Jonze's 2009 film of the same title.

We hope that potential Sendak adaptations will come to fruition on the big screen, especially if they are of the depth and intelligence of Jonze's unnerving take. Rest in peace, Mr. Sendak.

For full article on yahoo here.

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The Avengers Assemble in all the ways we hoped!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Avengers 2012Joss Whedon,Stan LeeJoss WhedonChris Evans,Chris Hemsworth,Mark Ruffalo,Jeremy Renner,Scarlett Johansson,Tom Hiddleston,Samuel L. Jackson,Cobie Smulders,Clark Gregg,Gwyneth Paltrow,Stellan Skarsgård,Paul Bettany,Lou Ferrigno,Jenny Agutter,Walter Perez,Robert Downey Jr.,Powers Boothe,Stan Lee Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Avengers(2012)
 

After years of teasing and ruining some movies (see “Iron Man 2”) “The Avengers” is finally upon us! Typically Bitter Balcony has some opinions that don’t quite jive with the current thoughts on a film, but this time we can’t even pretend we aren’t really happy with the results. The inclusion of Joss Whedon in this project is what we attribute to the main factor for its success.

Loki, brother of Thor, is a bitter god intent on using an alien army to destroy Earth, which is under Thor’s protection. The only way Nick Fury sees Earth having a good chance to survive is to restart the Avenger protocol (or whatever they called it – and when was it shut down?) and get a cast of heroes to band together against this new foe. The mixed cast of characters causes some friction amongst themselves that could stop them from defeating Loki and the question is raised, “Will they rise to the occasion?”

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The Raven - John Cusack as Poe is full of wit and win!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Raven 2012Hannah Shakespeare,Ben LivingstonJames McTeigueAlice Eve,John Cusack,Luke Evans,Brendan Gleeson Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Raven(2012)
 

“The Raven” is the fictional story of the bizarre events in Edgar Allan Poe’s final days before he was found half-dead on a bench. In this tale, a killer is using his previously published works as inspiration for murder and an elaborate secret plan. Once the police discover that there is a striking similarity to Poe’s work he is called in to help solve the mystery.

John Cusack stars as Poe himself and brings a certain wit and charm that is sharp, fast and entertaining in a Tony Stark, from “Iron Man”, kind of way. Cusack is able to deliver quick-witted lines with ease and draws us in to the life if a drunkard who has reached his creative end, but continues to attempt at creating another work that would get him enough money for the next drink until he finds the next story. Luke Evans plays Detective Emmett Fields, a methodical man who is working hard to solve the case and catch the killer before it’s too late. His performance is solid and while not as charismatic still the steady/thoughtful manner a detective like this would have.

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Cabin in the Woods

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Cabin in the Woods 2012Drew Goddard,Joss WhedonDrew GoddardRichard Jenkins,Bradley Whitford,Jesse Williams,Chris Hemsworth Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Cabin in the Woods(2012)
 

Your typical group goes off to your typical cabin far away in the woods where help would be hard to find. The characters are your standard horror film characters; the jock, the sexy cheerleader girlfriend, the unlikely nerd/stoner that is friends with them and the virginal girl. Unlike most films that prefer to stick to these tropes out of laziness or because they know their script won't be produced otherwise, this is all part of a greater tale.

The effects in this film are well handled for the most part. We miss out on what could have been some great gory moments because of cutaways and we aren't sure why. The film is already R rated and it wouldn't have had to be over the top. The missed opportunity is something that was felt and, while not necessary, would have added a bit more horror into this horror/comedy.

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