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Top Ten of 1909 - via McSweeneys.net

 

Christopher Cantwell wrote a great post for McSweeneys.net featuring the top ten movies of 1909 - you read right, 1909!

Here is the Top 5, for the rest please visit their site and read the original post.

  • Horse Running for 30 Seconds
  • Sunday Morning at a Small Grocery Market in Newark
  • Theodore Roosevelt Shakes the Hands of Many
  • Hamlet (first 7 min)
  • Sleeping Policeman

The tenth spot is extra special. ;)

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Percy Jackson and the Long Ass Title: The Thief of Good Taste

 
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman), the boy with the manliest name for a demigod, finds out that Poseidon is his father. Somehow everyone thinks Percy has Zeus’s bolt, therefore all the creatures of the Tartarus relentlessly chase him to grab the bolt back. He teams with Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) –the former being a goat and the latter a daughter of Athena. The supposedly wise Annabeth offers zilch in the way of tactical advice in the entirety "Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief." Yes, that's the title.

Percy and Grover spout some shabby one-liners throughout the film and Annabeth has the great, “Lets hit the road before homeland security shows up” line after a cleaning lady sees something funky. Riiiight.

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Is Kane able? Solomon Kane Lookout

 
Solomon Kane

Bitter Balcony spotted this trailer for “Solomon Kane”, a medieval fantasy adventure based on the works by the late Conan creator Robert E. Howard. Solomon Kane (James Purefoy) is a warrior who is bound to lose his soul to the man downstairs. To avoid the Mephisto Waltz, Kane vows a life of peace, wondering the battle infested world like a monk. In his travels, Kane bonds with a family (Pete Postlethwaite of “The Usual Suspects” is the patriarch) who captures the heart of the former mercenary.

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Shutter Island -- Old stinky lamb shank in Martin Scorsese's new Asian sauce. [User Review]

 
Shutter Island (2010)

Shutter Island is like slow cooked lamb shanks. Its got the interesting (to some) sauce and right texture, and spices, but unfortunately the lamb shanks itself is tough or maybe stinky off.

The setup of the movie was in 1954, yes, so conveniently there is no mobile phone, no helicopters and no surveillance cameras. A federal Marshal arrived Shutter Island with his partner to investigate the missing case of a dangerous psychiatric female patient. As his investigation progressed further his personal background and traumatic past unfolded, and he realised that this was more than just a missing patient he was confronting.

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Hotties in Haiku: Neytiri

 




She's spicy, but sweet.

Cute, even with her blue butt.

Still, she's no Smurfette.




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Avatar dances in Ferngully's dune. [from MadAtoms.com]

 

MadAtom.com has posted a great comparison of Avatar, Dune, Dances with Wolves and even Ferngully.

Click HERE to read/see a job well done. :)

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Did you know that you can submit reviews to Bitter Balcony?

 

That's right! You too can bitch and moan about your crappy movie-going experience you've had! Just hit the SUBMIT REVIEW link if you have an account.

Otherwise, why not OPEN ONE for free and get ta' postin'!

Now GET TO IT!

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