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I Know What You Did Last Summer(1997) - Hateful Teens Get What's Coming To Them [User Review] [User Review]

 
"I Know What You Did Last Summer" (1997)

I like to say something positive about every film I review, so I will get that out of the way by saying that Jennifer Love Hewitt never looked better than she does here. The movie poster made her career, along with the scene of her standing in the street and yelling after finding crabs in her trunk (now if that isn't subliminal somehow...). The movie picks up when she starts walking around in that little low-cut blue top. If there is any reason to watch the film now, it is to watch her fleeting moment of glory before she started putting on weight. She looks mighty fine.

Overall, this film is ruined by terrible acting and busy direction. We don't get just a scene of the actors walking along - no, we first have to see a random fisherman carrying a humongous fish, I guess to establish that, yes, those fishing boats in the background do indeed mean that this is a fishing village. Sloppiness abounds.

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The most forgettable trailer you'll see all night!

 

Are you ready kids? I can't heeeeeeeeear you? Well, here it is anyway. A trailer you won't remember by the time the sun has risen. Not only is the title of those trash super lame, but the cast seems act as poorly as the evidence of direction.

Here is a proposed rewrite to the heart wrenching scene when the main characters might split in the trailer.

Guy, "If I stay here I'll hurt you." (also known as the worst reading of a single sentence by an actor all year)

Chic, "If you stay here I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!"

Just an idea. Just throwin' it out there. Ya know who B.B. rolls.

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The Wolfman - Bangers & Mash night [USER REVIEW] [User Review]

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 2010 Wolfman (2010)

‘The Wolfman’ is like a Bangers & Mash. So you know what will come in the plate and you mostly will get what you wanted. You have your greasy meaty part, you have your creamy potatoy part too, topped with spicy gravy of the colour and atmosphere. It is easy going too… Bangers & Mash right? Not the typical choice for the healthy eaters though.

First let me make it clear that I didn’t watch the 1940 version. And I didn’t go through the 1980 version neither. There you go. I said it. So my liking of the latest make is not open for judge by the franchise/wolfman idea lovers. For the 100 min running time the story was very nicely told, not too fast, not too slow; the acting were spot on for most of the time; there were some greasy and rather mild twists and thrills, and an ending everyone saw coming. I actually enjoy the experience, feel like watching a stage play or well known musical, but if anyone is looking for surprise factors then they might be disappointed.

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I'd rather be 'Alone in the Dark' - sequel review

 
Alone in the Dark II (2008)

"Alone in the Dark II" is the sequel to Uwe Boll’s 2005 blunder of a film. One lives without the other and thankfully, this one isn’t directed by one of the worst directors of our time. That doesn't mean this is a step up though. The directing/writing team of Michael Roesch and Peter Scheerer prove that two mediocre heads are only slightly better than one bad one.

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Public appearance incoming! JAS out o' da house!

 
Yes, it's true: JAS (that's me) himself will be attending "Film Challenge Screenings: One Roll of Super 8" Feb. 24, 2010 accompanied by Francine Ruley, local bon vivant and Bitter Balcony editor!

Switching to first person now: I will be heading out of my movie theater-shaped cave and heading into Seattle to see what's bound to be some cool 8mm film shorts produced by film fans. Thankfully, this will not be a Michael Bay production – no explosions required.

I shot my first experiments on 8mm film and I have a personal affection to the low-res, obscure format (I thought no one sold or developed 8mm anymore).

Anyway, look for Francine and I in the audience and say hello.

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A "Cold Soul" would have helped make us feel this movie didn't suck

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Cold Soul 2009 Cold Soul(2009)
 

"Cold Souls" must have been made by a group of soulless, passionless people. This film gives us the rare treat of watching Paul Giamatti overact – and then try to under act for 101 minutes. The problem is that this treat has gone stale and like most of the candy we tried in Hong Kong, lacks any real flavor.

Giamatti plays Paul, a struggling actor who stumbles upon an ad in the Yellow Pages (people still read these?) decides it would be a good idea go soulless. You read that right: the logic is that an artist would be better at his craft without a soul. Is it us or does this a) not make any sense or b) seem like a process most of Hollywood has gone through? Paul lives without his soul for a while then realizes this isn't the best idea he's had - and blah blah blah.

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Hotties in Haiku: Anna Falchi

 


You died and came back.

Then you went and died again.

Dead? Alive? Still hot!




Confused? See "Cemetery Man". :).

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