Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

So what are you Bitter Halloween loving peeps watching tomorrow?

 

A love story... with GORE?

A gory movie... with little people?

A zombie movie... with, er, zombies!?!

A vampire movie... that is NOT Twilight?

Comment inside and let us know!

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Avatar = typical story, but well shot

 
Avatar = typical story, but well shot

Bitter Balcony's predictions from our previous story on Avatar have proven to be accurate.

Click for more proof on how man can love a Smurf!

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Top 50 Vampires and their stuffing stuffs!

 
Top 50 Vampires and their stuffing stuffs!

Io9.com has a great post displaying the abilities, weaknesses and charms of the top 50 vampires of all time. Yes, Bela Lugosi’s Dracula and Blacula are in there. They even included Count Chocula! :)

Click here to go to their page and view the large version of their snazzy graph!

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Rampage HD: Cloverfield Review!

 
Cloverfield

Hollywood has stolen, er, “re-imagined” Asian cinema, most notably in mediocre horror films with no cultural base to translate the themes conveyed by their Far East predecessors. While cute Japanese girl-ghosts haunt the reception of dumb American teenagers’ cell phones, we can look back at 1998's monster dung “Godzilla” (fan-reviewed on Bitter Balcony on Sept 30th) as a prior failure to adapt a Japanese icon into American lore. Terrorizing poorly developed disaster movie archetype characters, calamity master (in more ways than he'll ever know) Roland Emmerich made the menacing “Godzilla” as threatening as Minilla. Thankfully, “Godzilla” tanked at the box office, putting the American update peacefully to rest at the bottom of the Hudson River.

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Top 10 reasons NOT to see Twilight: New Moon

 
Bitter Balcony always tries to bring you the honest truth as we see it. Sometimes its a little harsh, but this time we have requested help from Anne Hurley to narrow down the top 10 best reasons (out of the many there are) NOT to watch Twilight: New Moon.

1. Because you can watch ANYTHING else.
2. There's more tension in a Cirque du Soleil tightrope than in any of Stephenie Meyer's plots.
3. Vampires burst into flames in the sun. They do not "glitter".
4. Alice is actually the coolest character in the books/series and she's not given enough to do.
5. Hard to believe Dr. Cullen just gets these doctor jobs every 10 years or so in some other cloudy town and nobody ever checks his resume, which goes back to 1914.

More inside

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The Royal Undergrounds: Fantastic Mr. Fox Digs Up Soon!!!

 
Fantastic Mr. Fox Lookout

Wes Anderson returns to the heist-fumbling that put him on the map in 1996's indie favorite "Bottle Rocket.” This time, instead of a group led by incompetent yet goodhearted robbers, the devious plot is executed by a group of farm animals led by the suave Mr. Fox in the stop-motion animated "Fantastic Mr. Fox.” Based on the Roald Dahl novel by the same name, the clever Mr. Fox (voiced by George Clooney) must formulate a plan to save his family's fur from some mean farmers.

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I'll Buy That For A Dollar! :The Girlfriend Experience Review

 
The Girlfriend Experience

In these bleak economic times, it's good to count on superficiality and sex for some sure-fire bang for your buck.

Chelsea is a prima donna in the world's oldest profession and business is a-booming in Steven Soderbergh's newly added notch to his experimental HD movie belt, "The Girlfriend Experience.” Adult film star Sasha Grey has her mainstream movie debut in the role of Chelsea, a woman trapped in a girl's body whose ridiculously good looks compel wealthy, lonely men to drop some serious cash-bucks.

Chelsea has a boyfriend, personal-trainer Chris (Chris Santos), a somewhat decent guy for Chelsea, but he is in over his head with this relationship.

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