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Next Karate Kid review at Film.com

 

I found THIS review thanks to the nifty twitter movie aggregator at the bottom of our fancy little site! It explains why "The Next Karate Kid" is lame.

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Movies That Make You Think? Ouch, My Brain Hurts!

 

Bitter Balcony has some new stuff in the works for you, our bitter fans! While our good friend and Editor Francine puts the finishing touches on our rivews (wat's wrung wit our spelin?), we found a pretty cool article from Charlie Wachtel of The FilmCrusade.com via IMDB.

The article is about how movies have become packaged for particular types of audiences, with comforting outcomes and ideas. Wachtel highlights the new Coen Brothers' film "A Serious Man" as a unique, and sadly dying, film viewing experience.

Without further adieu (Francine, we hope we got that right!) here's the link to Mr. Wachtel's article: http://www.filmcrusade.com/tough-sell/.

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Ah Twilight... I guess we can all start laughing at you early...

 

So we here at Bitter Balcony thought we would have to wait until a month from now to start laughing, or crying, at the Twilight sequel, but it seems that Christmas has come early.

We laughed and now we'll to run to the bathroom and cry a little for all the oversized dogs that will get a bad rap because of this dross.

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Wild Wild Mess, er, West review

 
Wild Wild West

We at Bitter Balcony sometimes wish that writing a review for a movie like “Wild Wild West” would be short and simple. If it were that easy, this review would read, “Sigh!” and nothing more. Alas, people expect more from us and we aim to provide, so here we go…

The movie begins with cheesy, low-budget credits: some vector-traced images in shades of brown and black. The opening theme is fairly traditional for a western, but when it cuts to a modernized ditty, we know we’re in trouble. The intro to “Wild Wild West” tells us what we’re in for: boring effects, a movie that looks like a western, and a whole lot of nothing else.

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TheOnion.com calls out Vince Vaughn!

 
The Vince Vaughn Deciet!

The Onion has taken it upon themselves to call out Vince Vaughn on his calling his latest crap, er, movie a "funny movie".

Apparently, he went on Conan and said things like, "This was the director's first movie, and he did a fantastic job" and "very funny stuff." By the look of the trailer we all know this won't be the case.

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Hotties in Haiku: Bride of Frankenstein

 




Your freakish cold stare.

Your hair, ahead of its time.

Your hiss, so divine!

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Tame of The Dead: Zombieland Review

 
Zombieland
Zombies have once again turned the world into a Grade-D meat factory in the horror-comedy "Zombieland.” The title comes from the planet's new name, where the undead virus has left the survivors to wander about searching for somewhere or something to pursue.

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg, who loves being in movies with the word "land" attached to the title) is the most unlikely to remain unbitten by zombies. Lanky and unimpressive, Columbus blasts away at the undead with a shotgun that’s as big as him. However, his insecure, cautious personality has made him more competent to deal with the walking dead than he ever was with the actual living. He avoids becoming Zombie Chow by following his own strict survival rules, whether it’s the prevalent "Good Cardio" to outrun the spry zombies or the cowardly, but rational "Don't be a hero” move.

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