Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

A review of a movie or TV show.

Bitter Balcony is ready like Freddy: first Elm St starts our Nightmare Week!!!

 
Bitter Balcony is ready like Freddy: first Elm St starts our Nightmare week!!!,Bitter Balcony, review, movie revieww, movie, bitter
A Nightmare on Elm Street

On an ordinary street in a small town, a legendary abomination wearing a torn red and green striped shirt, a dusty fedora and a handcrafted glove with knives was born. The monster was Freddy Krueger, a homicidal freak who terrorized Elm Street kids in their sleep, most of them unable to wake up in time to survive. Creator Wes Craven and star Robert Englund re-imagined the bogeyman into a sadistic prankster who enjoyed the mind-torture as much as the kill. In this first entry “A Nightmare on Elm Street," Krueger is at his malignant best (and so evil that he is referred to as "Fred" and not the comforting diminutive). Hey, who else but Krueger could make Johnny Depp turn into a blood geyser and still be liked?

Read More   

1 Comment

Who Dat? The Boondock Saints return for All Saints Day

 
Who Dat? The Boondock Saints return for All Saints Day.,Bitter Balcony, review, movie revieww, movie, bitter
The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

After a decade on hiatus, Troy Duffy’s avenging Saints Connor and Murphy (Sean Patrick Flannery and Norman Reedus) lock and load for “The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day." Years after cleaning Boston of its criminal underworld, the brothers and their vigilante father Il Duce (Billy Connolly) have gone into hiding in Ireland. Seemingly at peace, the family appears to have put their violent days behind them. But after the Saints are blamed for a priest's murder, Connor and Murphy travel ashore – armed with Berettas and renewed ire – to finish some unfinished business.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Cash-in of the Titans!

 

Clash of the Titans (2010)

“Clash of the Titans," is a movie with a title that makes no sense. Where the hell are the titans? Last I checked, this was about gods and humans – post titan rule. It seems like none of the 300+ rewrites that these damn screenplays go through don’t really ever get read. There are plot holes and mistakes the size of Greece herself.

We’ll try not let our bitterness get the best of us, but as one of the few movies we were foolishly looking forward to seeing, we are ashamed to have paid for this crap.

Let's start with this Hades vs Zeus B.S. Zeus is not the Christian god and Hades is not Lucifer. Get it? Two totally different religions. Hades is the brother of Zeus and is just another god (he’s the god of the underworld, but he’s not necessarily evil).

Read More   

4 Comments

Kick-Ass, well, kicks ASS!!!!

 

Kick Ass, well, kicks ASS!!!!

Many life lessons can be learned from Matthew Vaughn’s teenage vigilante satire “Kick-Ass." Lessons such as:

- A misfit youth can obtain self-realization by getting stabbed and hit by a car while wearing an aqua green scuba suit.

- The warmth of fatherly love can be proven by showing a man shooting his 11-year-old daughter right in the chest while she wears a bulletproof vest.

Peter Parker this is definitely not. While our hero Kick-Ass (Aaron Johnson) rephrases the web-slinger’s motto with the euphemism “with no power, comes no responsibility” the same could be said about Vaughn’s reckless and violently funny direction.

Read More   

6 Comments

Is "Green Zone" worth your green?

 
Green Zone (2010)

Bored with “Bourne,” Damon and Greengrass decide to jump headfirst into the beginning of the Iraq war. There’s jumping, dodging and political finger-wagging, but is it any good?

They set of on the rocky road (HA!) using the Iraq war to tell the tale of Miller (Matt Damon) and the U.S. governments lies. Miller slowly oversteps his boundaries as he gathers intel which shows the US government might be up to something shady. This builds up to Paul Greengrass’ shaky camera shootouts.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Chloe makes sex boring. Really.

 
Chloe makes sex boring. Really.

Chloe (Amanda Seyfried) is a high-class escort hired by elite Toronto clientele. Catherine (Julianne Moore) is a beautiful gynecologist whose husband David’s (Liam Neeson) precarious relationships with his students hint of infidelity. When Catherine reads a suspicious text message from David’s cell, the neglected wife recruits the services of none other than Chloe to seduce her nefarious spouse. Bitter Balcony is sorry; that’s our most uninspired opening to a review we have ever written, but for a movie like “Chloe” it’s appropriate. What follows in this script dusted off Joe Eszterhas’ attic is a series of pseudo-psychological blah blah, a bizarre stalking subplot and (while appreciated) head-scratching nudity by the leads. To the producers’ credit, they found a selling point for this movie with the soft-core sex that belongs in a Zalman King feature.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!

Bitter Balcony Rolls our 8-sided Dice with How to Train Your Dragon

 
How to Train Your Dragon

In DreamWorks' latest animated adventure, “How to Train Your Dragon,” Viking warriors have their village sacked and torched by dragons that are as threatening as Pokémon (yes, you moms and dads out there, we see a Christmas tree stocked with these cuddly lizards in your future). Children will also be captivated by the story of Hiccup (voiced by Jay Baruchel), a lanky Norwegian boy whose meager fighting skills are met with disappointment by his father Stoick (Gerard Butler), who happens to be the village’s general.

Read More   

Voice your opinion!