Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

A review of a movie or TV show.

Bitter Balcony Throws The First Stone with Religulous!!!

 
Religulous

Bitter Balcony is about to get sacrilegious with Larry Charles' docu-comedy “Religulous.” HBO's talk-show host Bill Maher takes a cynical look at organized religion, as he often does in his "Real Time" panels. He strikes a chord with many of his guests and detractors by questioning how religious figures and institutions hold sway over politics and society.

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D**ked with "The Box": Bitter Balcony Needed Coffee To Get Through This Richard Kelly Bore-Fest!!!

 
The Box

One-hit wonder Richard Kelly and his damned time portals return with “The Box.” Kelly, who followed 2001's cult classic "Donnie Darko" with the ambitious, yet unfocused and poorly executed "Southland Tales" in 2006, attempts to connect with a wider audience with this thriller that about a middle-class family in 1976 Virginia. Norma Lewis (Cameron Diaz) is a literature teacher who is affected by budget cuts, while her NASA engineer husband Arthur’s (James Mardsen) goal of becoming an astronaut suffers a setback when he is rejected by the higher-ups. As the couple raises their precocious and ill son Walter (Sam Oz Stone), how will they be able to afford their suburban paradise?

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Twilight: New Moon - Romance without a pulse

 
Twilight: New Moon (2009)

The Bitter Balconites joked about bringing booze to “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” and taking a shot every time we thought the movie sucked, but the idea of dying from alcohol poisoning within the first 15 minutes didn’t sound so great. Unfortunately, the pool that is “Twilight” is as shallow as its characters and I split my skull open upon diving in. The rest of this review is written from the hospital bed. What’s contained in this review is probably half of what is wrong with this film.

Holy Pacing! A good 10-15 minutes go by before a character speaks three words – pauses for 5 seconds – and then utters the next three words their character has to say. What are these characters thinking about so much inbetween words? The whole “back at school” thing is pretty slow and the timing screams, “nap time!”

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Paranormal Activity Makes BB Think Twice Before We Ask A Girl To Move In!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Paranormal Activity 2007Oren PeliOren PeliKatie Featherston, Micah Sloat Paranormal Activity(2007)
 

Subtle noises and a possessed Ouija board are the stars in the most successful movie of the year “Paranormal Activity.”

The horror tale, taking place in a suburban San Diego home, follows young couple Katie (Katie Featherston) and Micah (Micah Sloat), who have recently moved in together. Happy and playful, the lovers seem to have a healthy relationship, in spite of Katie’s one tiny secret: she is haunted by a demon (still not as bad as PMS). Micah, incredulous and excited about his girlfriend's beezelbum, sets up a camera and sound recorder program to pick up any traces of the menace. Coincidentally, Micah plies up enough footage to create a linear, plot-structured 90-minute movie.

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Bitter Balcony Goes Nice and Tidy With Sunshine Cleaning!

 
Sunshine Cleaning
Cleaning up after other people's messes takes on a whole new meaning in the drama-comedy “Sunshine Cleaning.” Rose (Amy Adams) is a 30-something single mom living paycheck-to-paycheck as a maid. Her sister Norah (Emily Blunt) fares even worse as a waitress still living with her dad Joe (Alan Arkin). For Rose, the bills are about to get tighter as she decides to take her son Oscar (Jason Spevack) to a private school after his constant misbehavin' has him in the dunce seat. Desperate for income, Rose resorts to her married lover and prior high-school boyfriend Mac (Steve Zahn) for some assistance. Mac, a local detective, hooks up his mistress with one of those odd jobs even Mike Rowe wouldn't touch: soaking and scrubbing blood stains from dead people's rooms.

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Rampage HD: Cloverfield Review!

 
Cloverfield

Hollywood has stolen, er, “re-imagined” Asian cinema, most notably in mediocre horror films with no cultural base to translate the themes conveyed by their Far East predecessors. While cute Japanese girl-ghosts haunt the reception of dumb American teenagers’ cell phones, we can look back at 1998's monster dung “Godzilla” (fan-reviewed on Bitter Balcony on Sept 30th) as a prior failure to adapt a Japanese icon into American lore. Terrorizing poorly developed disaster movie archetype characters, calamity master (in more ways than he'll ever know) Roland Emmerich made the menacing “Godzilla” as threatening as Minilla. Thankfully, “Godzilla” tanked at the box office, putting the American update peacefully to rest at the bottom of the Hudson River.

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I'll Buy That For A Dollar! :The Girlfriend Experience Review

 
The Girlfriend Experience

In these bleak economic times, it's good to count on superficiality and sex for some sure-fire bang for your buck.

Chelsea is a prima donna in the world's oldest profession and business is a-booming in Steven Soderbergh's newly added notch to his experimental HD movie belt, "The Girlfriend Experience.” Adult film star Sasha Grey has her mainstream movie debut in the role of Chelsea, a woman trapped in a girl's body whose ridiculously good looks compel wealthy, lonely men to drop some serious cash-bucks.

Chelsea has a boyfriend, personal-trainer Chris (Chris Santos), a somewhat decent guy for Chelsea, but he is in over his head with this relationship.

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