Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

A review of a movie or TV show.

Can Bitter Balcony decipher Source Code?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Source Code 2011Ben RipleyDuncan JonesJake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Source Code(2011)
 

In one of the pleasant surprises of 2011, Duncan Jones (son of David Bowie), after gathering praise for his space oddity “Moon,” pivots one of the sleeker Sci-Fi films in recent memory with the mind-bending “Source Code.” In this sinuous tale, Air Force pilot Colter Stevens(Jake Gyllenhaal) must succeed in an urgent mission to unmask a terrorist, whose bomb claimed many innocent lives during a train ride, among them the breathtakingly sweet Christina (Michelle Monaghan). Colter must unravel the culprit in hopes to prevent a potential massive attack on the Greater Chicago area.

In order to return to the scene of the atrocity, Colter has been subjected to Source Code, a memory simulation system that has him incarnating the image of Christina’s new boyfriend. Due to the program’s parameters, Colter only has eight minutes of the late man’s recollections every time he tries to expose the truth inside the complex device.

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Is 30 Minutes or Less a Cold Pizza? More or Less...

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, 30 Minutes or Less 2011Michael DilibertiRuben FleischerJesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride Bitter,Bitterometer,meter 30 Minutes or Less(2011)
 

“Zombieland” director Ruben Fleischer and star Jesse Eisenberg reunite to toss up their entry to the stoner caper genre pool in “30 Minutes or less.” Eisenberg plays Nick, a mid- twenties pizza delivery boy who slacks his way through life watching 80’s action flicks between Budweisers and smokes. After an argument with his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari) over admitting sleeping with Chet’s beautiful twin sister and secret love Kate (Dilshad Vadsaria), Nick finds himself out of friends and out of luck.

When even bigger losers Dwayne (Danny McBride) and Travis (Nick Swardson) device a scheme to strap a bomb to a poor sucker in order swindle cash, they manager to fool Nick into becoming an unwilling foil. Nick, now strapped with a jacket full of explosives, resorts to Chet for help. Unable to deactivate the bomb, both friends resolve to follow Dwayne’s plan, robbing a local bank. While Nick and Chet try to turn the tables on Dwayne and Travis, the latter idiots turn everything for the worst when they involve legit criminal Chango(Michael Peña).

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Cowboys and Aliens - Way back west review

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Cowboys and Aliens 2011Roberto Orci,Alex Kurtzman,Damon Lindelof,Mark Fergus,Hawk OstbyJon FavreauHarrison Ford,Daniel Craig,Olivia Wilde,Sam Rockwell Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Cowboys and Aliens(2011)
 

“Cowboys and Aliens” disappeared off the radar as soon as it was released it seems. The trailer was interesting, but not something that looked like a must see. It seems that not having that must see status was enough to get people to not see it. Did they miss out an anything new and inspired? I reckon we all gots ta see what we gots here.

In typical mysterious fashion a man wakes up with no memory of who he is and is promptly harassed by some cowboys. Shortly after he finds that he gets into a little fight and the sheriff realizes he’s a wanted man and detains him. Upon attempting to transfer him to another location the town finds itself ambushed by aliens and a few people are abducted. Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) is in possession of the only weapon that came do some real damage to the alien ships, so they set off to discover who Jake is and to get their people back.

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Fright Night remake - Frightful or not?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Fright Night 2011 Marti NoxonCraig GillespieAnton Yelchin,Colin Farrell,Toni Collette,Christopher Mintz-Plasse,David Tennant,Imogen Poots,Emily Montague Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Fright Night(2011)
 

The frightful night has arrived. The night we watch the remake of cheesy, but much beloved “Fright Night”. Does it slowly suck the life out of us over the course of an hour and a half or does it shine some light on the flaming wish that remakes would actually be good?

We know the story well. Vampire moves in, neighbor sees suspicious behavior and hilarity ensues. OK, so not hilarity, but bloody vampire cat and mouse games.

Jerry (Collin Farrell) moves in next door to Charlie Brewster (Anton Yelchin), a somewhat nerdy kid who is becoming slightly cooler in school by way of his girlfriend Amy (Imogen Poots). When Charlie’s friend Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) goes missing after a supposed vampire hunt Charlie starts to see the evidence that Jerry may actually be a vampire. Logically, Charlie seeks the help of an illusionist who uses vampires in his acts, Peter Vincent (David Tennant), and the hunt is on… sorta.

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"The Smurfs" We are so smurfed!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, The Smurfs 2011J. David Stem,David N. WeissRaja GosnellNeil Patrick Harris,Jayma Mays,Anton Yelichin,Hank Asaria,Kate Perry,Alan Cumming Bitter,Bitterometer,meter The Smurfs(2011)
 

This smurfing smurfed project was probably smurfed from inception, but I’ll be smurfed if I ever have to sit through it or a smurfing sequel ever smurfing again.

Ok, now that we’ve got all that smurfing bull-smurf out of the way we can move on with the review. You can assume that we judged this movie in advance. Unprofessional, sure, but the minute our asses hit the seats we were open to whatever strange surprise we’d get. Were we surprised? You bet your smurf we were, only for reasons we didn’t think.

The story is about Gargamel and his obsession over getting the Smurfs, so he can grind them up and turn them into some powerful juju. Fair enough, he wants to be the most powerful and boring wizard in all of… wherever they live. The Smurfs run away once discovered during a blue moon (sigh) and have to jump into a mysterious vortex to evade Gargamel and Azrael. The Smurfs end up in New York, which sounds like a brilliant (as in terrible) idea. Neil Patrick Harris, somehow begging for film work already, runs into the Smurfs and helps them in the process.

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The Bitter gets our damned, stinking dirty paws all over Rise of the Planet of the Apes!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2011Rick Jaffa, Amanda SilverRupert WyattJames Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida PintoPierre Boulle (novel Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Rise of the Planet of the Apes(2011)
 

The Summer of 2011 says sayonara with another prequel in “Rise of the Planet of the Apes.” “Rise” follows the storyline of the original series (with some astute references to the Charlton Heston classic), detailing how the apes enhanced cognitive thought, their subsequent fight for freedom, and the beginning of humanity’s fall. Set in modern day San Francisco, Will (James Franco) is a young scientist who zealously strives to find a cure for Alzheimer’s, the disease that plagues his father Charles (John Lithgow). Experimenting on Chimpanzees, Will’s project takes a dire turn when one the test subjects, Bright Eyes, wrecks havoc in the laboratory. Told to shut down by money-hungry CEO Jacobs (David Oyelowo), Will finds out that Bright Eyes was pregnant. Taking the newborn chimp under his wing, Will realizes the infant is endowed with intellect never seen in a primate.

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Zombies Go Wild on Camera (again) for Rec 2!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Rec 2 2009Paco Plaza, Manu Díez, Jaume Balagueró	Jaume Balagueró, Paco Plaza	Jonathan Mellor, Manuela Velasco Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Rec 2(2009)
 

“Rec,” by the Spaniard tandem of Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza, was among the best modern horror movies about the walking dead. Picking up after Danny Boyle’s slick “28 Days Later” injected the Zombie genre with a slick urgency, “Rec” took that to a maniatical, claustrophobic level. The bloodletting fear taking place inside the annals of a Barcelonian condominium was heighten by the use of a handheld camera, making “Rec” a must for those who love the undead. Now, Balagueró and Plaza return to the unnerving confines of that same condominium with “Rec 2,” a sequel so fast-paced it makes its predecessor move like S. William Hinzman’s original flesh-eater.

This time around, the fodder comes in the form of an Elite SWAT team lead by Jefe (Óscar Zafra), a no-b.s bunch ready to go when they are led into the apartments by Dr. Owen (Jonathan Mellor). Perceiving their mission to rescue survivors and contain the disease, soon the SWAT discover they are part of Dr. Owens’ own mission, one that could end the infection. Unfortunately for Dr. Owen and crew, those damn zombies keep coming at them, not to mention an unexpected group of kids whose meddling worsens their predicament.

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