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Terminator: The Sarah Connor Blasphemy *PBB

 

Note: Some reviews were written before we just about gave up on Hollywood--just like one of those couples that think, "This time it'll work out." These reviews may not be as bitter as the Bitter Balcony norm, and are noted by: *PBB (Pre-Bitter Balcony).

Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (because everyone has to have a chronicle, even Spiderwicks).
Created (i.e. ripped off and apart) by: Josh Friednman
Starring Lena Headey, Thomas Dekker, Summer Glau, Brian Ausitn Green
First Aired: January 13, 2008

I was going to write a review of the first season of the show, but soon after watching it realized that I should focus on asking the questions that you will ask yourself while watching this crap. I will also attempt at answering these questions, that should be asked, the best that I can.

I think you will clearly know where I stand on the quality of this show when you read on.

What is with the skull that went through the time portal in the second episode?

I thought that inorganic matter, or specifically matter that doesn't have the field that the human body generates which allows it to travel back, could not pass through the portal? Are you telling me that a recreation of the time machine made with sticks and stones from the past is more high tech than the stuff they used in the future? No, what you are telling me is that this show has crappy direction/writing/producing and has to have some flashy crap which breaks a rule of the series in order to work/look flashy.

Wouldn't the future John Connor erase Cameron's memory then reprogram? He seemed to be at least this smart, so how did the 2nd season glitch happen where Cameron gets hit in the head and goes after Connor?

The answer is easy. The Writers/Producers/Director(s) of this show don't know crap about the series and it's logic and are making crap up as they go along to make it entertaining. Here is the thing. The series (the movies that is) is good enough to be entertaining while still playing by the rules.

Why would she glitch out and forget who she was/pretend she was someone she was interviewing to imitate?

Easy. They can't come up with better crap, so they make the worlds most poorly designed Terminator. Maybe if she was made using the low tech of the past she would be better constructed. Remember: It's not stupid, it's advanced.

Why not send the 1000 after John, so they arrive at exactly the same time and overcome any one terminator that John sends to save him?
Another easy one – because you don't have to be a super computer to organize the systematic annihilation of mankind. Only some half assed PC that realizes it exists. It's probably running on Winblows 95. Remember that when you have a time machine time becomes almost entirely irrelevant. If it takes you 100 years to send out 1000 terminators one at a time every few days they WILL still all arrive at the exact same time.

Why does everyone have access to the time machine?

What is up with this? When they sent back Reese in the first one they blew the machine up right after and it was a voyage into the unknown of sorts. Why do they have to ruin what was an intriguing situation to ease their crappy writing?

How important is John really?

Lets face it. If Skynet is not so interested in killing John that it doesn't:
1. Send 100 terminators so they arrive at the same time.
2. Make it so that the terminators CANT be reprogrammed.
3. It sends a T-101 after John, but a T-1000 to be a corporate executive – I mean, come on.
The list can go on and on, but at this point why bother. Obviously, Skynet is not that concerned with John staying alive anymore is it.

Where is the training from Sarah and the guerilla activity?

Where is the cool lady that Sarah was talked about? Where is the training she gave John. Why are they just hanging out renting homes instead of really laying low? Why send him to school at all and not home school him for his own protection? Where is the hinted Guerrilla activity that she was involved in? Where is anything cool?

The love story between John and Cameron… Are you kidding?

Shirley Mason – not a good actress.

I always thought that Shirley had something, but after getting an extended look at her and the poor performance she is giving as one of the most uncool terminators ever I can't say I care for her anymore. Make another Garbage album. That was way cooler than this crap.

Is Earl Boen really so busy acting in other movies (and doing video game voice-overs) that he can't do the cameo?

Or did he read the script and realize that this show is crap? I would love to see a spin-off comic of his life after seeing the T-1000 though. That would be interesting. The doctor becoming the patient, so to speak.

How exactly does the T-1000 make it through?

One thing I hate about this show is how it is making me think that the movies were not as cool as I think/thought they were. How exactly does a T-1000 make it through the time machine? There is no organic matter there, only the illusion of it.

Why is Cameron missing files on the events leading up to the apocalypse?

So John didn't erase her old programming, but he did erase vital information that could lead to the stopping of the greatest travesty that will fall upon mankind… Real smart there chuck.

Why do the terminators take hostages and/or slaves in the future?

Three of these things can drag a plane engine, but they need humans to be slaves? WHY? Does that make sense on any level?

Summer Glao – not so hot…

I think she is an OK looking chic, cute, but that is it. I don't know what the fan boy obsession is. I wish her performance was better directed, too. One minute she is obviously a machine the next a totally convincing human. She started off totally convincing, so how exactly do they learn from their interactions if she is getting progressively less human?

Sarah's ex-fiancé…

Get over it, both of you. It is turning an already bad show into a freaking soap opera.

What is her model – some crappy twist?

Probably.

What is up with Sarah's hair?

Dude, if you can rent a home you can pay a barber. Go get a haircut since that "I cut my hair with a pair of dull scissors and no mirror" look isn't working.

John, oh so careless…

I understand rebellion, but don't you think that John would be just a little more careful. I mean, he knows terminators exist and has almost been caught a few times. I think he would know to start to listen to mommy by now.

Why is the T-101 not chasing after John more?

So the terminator wants to taste the life of a simple man… is that really what the audience wants to see? I thought they didn't stop no matter what. Wasn't that the BIG threat from the original movie?

Why does this show suck?

Question stated. Answer: Cash money. This is why they step all over our fond memories of good movies; the mighty dollar.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

 

Note: Some reviews were written before we just about gave up on Hollywood--just like one of those couples that think, "This time it'll work out." These reviews may not be as bitter as the Bitter Balcony norm, and are noted by: *PBB (Pre-Bitter Balcony).

Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles (because everyone has to have a chronicle, even Spiderwicks).
Created (i.e. ripped off and apart) by: Josh Friednman
Starring Lena Headey, Thomas Dekker, Summer Glau, Brian Ausitn Green
First Aired: January 13, 2008

I was going to write a review of the first season of the show, but soon after watching it realized that I should focus on asking the questions that you will ask yourself while watching this crap. I will also attempt at answering these questions, that should be asked, the best that I can.

I think you will clearly know where I stand on the quality of this show when you read on.

What is with the skull that went through the time portal in the second episode?

I thought that inorganic matter, or specifically matter that doesn't have the field that the human body generates which allows it to travel back, could not pass through the portal? Are you telling me that a recreation of the time machine made with sticks and stones from the past is more high tech than the stuff they used in the future? No, what you are telling me is that this show has crappy direction/writing/producing and has to have some flashy crap which breaks a rule of the series in order to work/look flashy.

Wouldn't the future John Connor erase Cameron's memory then reprogram? He seemed to be at least this smart, so how did the 2nd season glitch happen where Cameron gets hit in the head and goes after Connor?

The answer is easy. The Writers/Producers/Director(s) of this show don't know crap about the series and it's logic and are making crap up as they go along to make it entertaining. Here is the thing. The series (the movies that is) is good enough to be entertaining while still playing by the rules.

Why would she glitch out and forget who she was/pretend she was someone she was interviewing to imitate?

Easy. They can't come up with better crap, so they make the worlds most poorly designed Terminator. Maybe if she was made using the low tech of the past she would be better constructed. Remember: It's not stupid, it's advanced.

Why not send the 1000 after John, so they arrive at exactly the same time and overcome any one terminator that John sends to save him?
Another easy one – because you don't have to be a super computer to organize the systematic annihilation of mankind. Only some half assed PC that realizes it exists. It's probably running on Winblows 95. Remember that when you have a time machine time becomes almost entirely irrelevant. If it takes you 100 years to send out 1000 terminators one at a time every few days they WILL still all arrive at the exact same time.

Why does everyone have access to the time machine?

What is up with this? When they sent back Reese in the first one they blew the machine up right after and it was a voyage into the unknown of sorts. Why do they have to ruin what was an intriguing situation to ease their crappy writing?

How important is John really?

Lets face it. If Skynet is not so interested in killing John that it doesn't:
1. Send 100 terminators so they arrive at the same time.
2. Make it so that the terminators CANT be reprogrammed.
3. It sends a T-101 after John, but a T-1000 to be a corporate executive – I mean, come on.
The list can go on and on, but at this point why bother. Obviously, Skynet is not that concerned with John staying alive anymore is it.

Where is the training from Sarah and the guerilla activity?

Where is the cool lady that Sarah was talked about? Where is the training she gave John. Why are they just hanging out renting homes instead of really laying low? Why send him to school at all and not home school him for his own protection? Where is the hinted Guerrilla activity that she was involved in? Where is anything cool?

The love story between John and Cameron… Are you kidding?

Shirley Mason – not a good actress.

I always thought that Shirley had something, but after getting an extended look at her and the poor performance she is giving as one of the most uncool terminators ever I can't say I care for her anymore. Make another Garbage album. That was way cooler than this crap.

Is Earl Boen really so busy acting in other movies (and doing video game voice-overs) that he can't do the cameo?

Or did he read the script and realize that this show is crap? I would love to see a spin-off comic of his life after seeing the T-1000 though. That would be interesting. The doctor becoming the patient, so to speak.

How exactly does the T-1000 make it through?

One thing I hate about this show is how it is making me think that the movies were not as cool as I think/thought they were. How exactly does a T-1000 make it through the time machine? There is no organic matter there, only the illusion of it.

Why is Cameron missing files on the events leading up to the apocalypse?

So John didn't erase her old programming, but he did erase vital information that could lead to the stopping of the greatest travesty that will fall upon mankind… Real smart there chuck.

Why do the terminators take hostages and/or slaves in the future?

Three of these things can drag a plane engine, but they need humans to be slaves? WHY? Does that make sense on any level?

Summer Glao – not so hot…

I think she is an OK looking chic, cute, but that is it. I don't know what the fan boy obsession is. I wish her performance was better directed, too. One minute she is obviously a machine the next a totally convincing human. She started off totally convincing, so how exactly do they learn from their interactions if she is getting progressively less human?

Sarah's ex-fiancé…

Get over it, both of you. It is turning an already bad show into a freaking soap opera.

What is her model – some crappy twist?

Probably.

What is up with Sarah's hair?

Dude, if you can rent a home you can pay a barber. Go get a haircut since that "I cut my hair with a pair of dull scissors and no mirror" look isn't working.

John, oh so careless…

I understand rebellion, but don't you think that John would be just a little more careful. I mean, he knows terminators exist and has almost been caught a few times. I think he would know to start to listen to mommy by now.

Why is the T-101 not chasing after John more?

So the terminator wants to taste the life of a simple man… is that really what the audience wants to see? I thought they didn't stop no matter what. Wasn't that the BIG threat from the original movie?

Why does this show suck?

Question stated. Answer: Cash money. This is why they step all over our fond memories of good movies; the mighty dollar.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

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