Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

A review of a movie or TV show.

Gozilla - Who wants to see the titular character anyway?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Godzilla 2014Max Borenstein,Dave CallahamGareth EdwardsAaron Taylor-Johnson,CJ Adams	,Ken Watanabe,Bryan Cranston,Elizabeth Olsen Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Godzilla(2014)
 

BIG SIGH!

Godzilla… He’s (sometimes she) a big lizard stomping around the city mashing up shit. This is what the real fans want to see. Instead we get tease after tease after tease and no real “Holy crap! Godzilla’s kickin’ ass!” moments. Instead, what we get is a handful of characters that have no dimension to them who somehow have a magnetic attraction to Godzilla and are always around.

Gareth Edwards’ “Monsters” was an entertaining movie about trying to get out of a quarantine zone where giant monsters run. That’s the basic gist of it and it worked. That movie was shot with a small budget and we get saving the big reveal for when it gives maximum payoff. The problem is that this movie is about Godzilla. We know him and we want to see him. What was supposed to be the best part is that this movie can afford to do it right and show him as often as they like. NOPE! It’s like he thought we wouldn’t actually want to see extended scenes of big G beating crap up, but in my own case… this was the exact reason I paid for my ticket.

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Dreamworld... hardly.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Dreamworld 2012Robert J. Gibbs, Whit HertfordRyan DarstWhit Hertford,Mary Kate Wiles,Nora Kirkpatrick,Matt Bush	,Nick Thune Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Dreamworld(2012)
 

While watching this film I first thought, "this Director of Photography should never make another film again." Then the characters drew me in a bit. That only lasted so long before I thought, "the Director AND Editor both should never work in film again." At the end of the movie I laughed comically loud at the fact that all of those roles were the same man.

The story is one draft away from a really solid script. There are some overwritten writerly moments that took me out of the film. This tends to happen in most indie films because of filmmakers trying to be hip, or just generally trying to hard. Those moments were minimal enough that I could look past it and watch the film comfortably.

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Evil Dead returns from the dead... and it's evil... sorta...

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Evil Dead 2013Fede Alvarez,Diablo Cody,Sam Raimi,Rodo Sayagues MendezFede AlvarezJane Levy,Jessica Lucas,Shiloh Fernandez,Lou Taylor Pucci,Elizabeth Blackmore Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Evil Dead(2013)
 

"Evil Dead" has been remade into a more serious/non-campy horror film and the results are surprisingly entertaining. This is not to say it’s a fantastic film you’ll want to own and watch over and over, but it does entertain for the length of time that you’re in the theater.

The premise is slightly different this time around. We have a group of young adults meeting up at the typical cabin in the woods to help a friend (and sister to the main-ish character) get over her cocaine addiction. Of course, they soon discover the Book of the Dead and everything starts to go south from there.

The script is not without flaws, but anything it lacks in story/structure it makes up for with delicious gore. Most of the gore can be seen in the red band trailer (below), but there are a few that were left out. The final gory scene in the movie is impressive and fun. Let’s just say that there was probably a fake blood shortage in Hollywood when that scene was filmed. Thankfully, this remake doesn’t try to give us a new Ash. This was probably the wisest decision since most fans of the original would have most likely had a negative reaction to the idea of replacing Bruce Campbell.

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Is Beyond the Black Rainbow staying beyond its welcome?

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Beyond the Black Rainbow  2010Panos CosmatosPanos CosmatosMichael Rogers,Scott Hylands,Marilyn Norry,Eva Allan Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010)
 

“Beyond the Black Rainbow” is an attempt by Panos Cosmatos to make a vibey/weird horror film in the vein of some of the horror films from the ‘80s. There are long scenes that aren’t about much more than a creeper creeping over a little girl while some cool music plays and we see them on an interesting set. The acting in it is good, aside from two clowns at the end. The vibe of the film is just were it should have been.

So it’s good, right? Well, that’s where writing this review becomes a bit of a challenge. When I saw the trailer I immediately wanted to see it, wondering how it took me two years to hear about the film. I had a fair impression of what kind of movie I was going to end up experiencing. Unfortunately though, the film ends up stretching some already long scenes to the point where they stop being interesting and they start getting boring. My experience watching this film was the interested, bored, intrigued and then seriously let down. Yup, the ending is one of those that you either laugh at or has the potential to ruin what you’ve been watching during its 110 minute runtime, which I honestly could swear was a tad over two hours.

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Moore is Less in A View to a Kill.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, A View to a Kill 1985Richard Maibaum,  Michael G. WilsonJohn GlenRoger Moore, Christopher WalkenIan Fleming Bitter,Bitterometer,meter A View to a Kill(1985)
 

Roger Moore’s take of Ian Fleming’s narcissistic hero James Bond is likely topped by better interpretations from 007’s old and new. Yet the charmingly fluffy Moore holds a soft spot in my heart. One of my first clashes with the generational gap between my dad and I was over Roger Moore. He loved Sean Connery as the suave spy, and only saw Moore as the T.V actor from “The Saint.” “How could there be another Bond?” I was a confused 5 year old, still innocent to the grim realities of recasting. As I got older I would catch those TBS Bond marathons in basic cable, and while Sean Connery was ultra-cool as 007 in the likes of “DR. No” and “Goldfinger,” I still sided with Moore’s eyebrow-shifting acting.

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Deconstructing James: The Balcony Visits Skyfall!!!

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Skyfall 2012Robert Wade, Neal Purvis, John LoganSam MendesDaniel Craig, Javier Bardem, Judi DenchIan Fleming Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Skyfall(2012)
 

"Everybody needs a hobby” is the snide James Bond (Daniel Craig) remarks while tied to a chair by his nemesis Silva (Javier Bardem) as he attempts to convince 007 to join his extortionist army. Silva takes a moment to ponder a reply, and simply retorts “What’s yours?” to which Bond, in all his cocksure, unwavering glory states, “resurrection.” After a five decade reign as one of cinema’s enduring characters, this verbal confrontation between hero and villain is an introspective pause disguised as Silva’s grand entrance. “Skyfall,” Bond’s 23rd adventure, is one of the few Bond films that dwells into the panache of the debonair British agent’s motif, and exhumes a man who has been afflicted by tragedy and age. “Skyfall” is about James Bond’s resurrection, a deconstruction of a myth that travels back in time.

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The Un-Bonding of 007: Quantum of Solace.

Bitter, Bitter Balcony, Movie Review, Quantum of Solace 2008Paul Haggis, Neal Purvis, Robert WadeMarc ForsterDaniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko Bitter,Bitterometer,meter Quantum of Solace(2008)
 

Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton), a perky MI6 office clerk sent to help a brooding James Bond (Daniel Craig), is left dead on top of a bed of a five- star hotel room, her beautiful figure drenched in oil. This is the defining, and defying, shot in “Quantum of Solace.” It is hardly a surprise for Bond girls to get killed, but unlike the iconoclastic image of Shirley Eaton’s perfectly gold-coated corpse in “Goldfinger,” Arterton’s greased, black coated body stands for 007’s new morose reality. Meet James Bond, post 9/11: an emotionally scarred solider whose wounds run deeper than any tuxedo can ever occult. So goes “Quantum of Solace,” the angry, unloved companion piece to the modern classic Bond film “Casino Royale.”.

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