As a father, I am sometimes subjected to some of the worst kid movies available. We recently watched Marmaduke. Those of you familiar with the Sunday funnies will recognize Marmaduke as a comic strip following the misadventures of a large dog.
As much as I’d like to rant about how painful the movie was to watch, it brought up a more painful realization. You may have also noticed it as well, the lack of originality coming out of Hollywood. Why is it that every other movie coming out is a remake of some sort?
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not necessarily remakes that are the problem. Some of the best movies out there were remakes; The Departed, The Bourne Identity, Brewster’s Millions and even my all-time favorite Heat.
My beef is with the selection of remakes. Honestly, they’re failed attempts at someone trying to revive their Saturday morning.
Let’s start with Scooby Doo. It was bad enough that they felt it necessary to torture us with more than one.
Underdog took one of my favorite actors, Jason Lee and cut off his balls.
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The 10 WORST of 2009
Here you have it! Bitter Balcony's choices for the top 10 worst films of the year. We know you've all been waiting for it, though we must admit the ones on this list are so bad it's not going to come as a big surprise. Contribute to the list in the comment section or vent about how bad they were inside! |
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G.I. Joe You know when a movie starts off with a soapbox and a confirmation of my theories on how it will suck, you are in for an interesting review. First I have to point out that I have seen some crap. I mean some really bad movies, but I don’t think I have ever seen a movie where the ENTIRE cast supplies such exceedingly poor performances. There is no exaggeration when I say every one. I mean every last person (maybe Snake-Eyes doesn’t count because there isn’t much there for him to do but jump around) does a bad job.  |
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G.I. Joe has been released.
Review incoming. |
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G.I. Joe - Resolute The only thing this Joe cartoon is resolute on doing is sucking as much as the movie likely will. Here I foolishly thought well, the movie is probably going to suck, but at least we’ll get a decent animation out of it AND with the original costumes. Well, I got crap. The movie starts in a decommissioned Cobra base. This base becomes active, computers with broken screens turn on and launch a large set of missiles that it had just underground – as in the obvious underground not the deep deep underground. |
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First I'll list a few simple reasons: 1. Stephen Sommers 2. Remember Helsing, it'll be that bad. 3. Remember how great the trailer for Mummy was and how not so the movie was. This'll likely be the same case. 4. Marlon Wayans... riiiight. 5. Delta suits. [NEW] 6. You know that just watching Sienna Miller isn't worth $9.50 and 2 wasted hours of life. [NEW] 7. Arnold Vosloo isn't punk rock enough to be Zartan. [NEW] 8. Destro's design. [NEW] 9. Cobra Commander's design. [NEW] 10. Stephen Sommers. |
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