Embrace the bitter and post your own reviews!

Twilight [the 1st crappy one] *PBB

 

Note: Some reviews were written before we just about gave up on Hollywood--just like one of those couples that think, "This time it'll work out." These reviews may not be as bitter as the Bitter Balcony norm, and are noted by: *PBB (Pre-Bitter Balcony).

Twilight review
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Based on a novel by: Stephanie Rosenberg
Released: November 21, 2008

In all honesty, the trailer for this movie seemed plenty weak, but I gave it a fair shot. This is the conclusion I came to...

Lame. Yup, this movie is lame. There is, what I find to be, a baseless romance, weak character development, awkward writing, and pacing that induces sleep.

Kristen Stewart does a good job as the lead protagonist, while I felt that Robert Pattinson was pretty flat. The other problem I have with Pattinson being a lead is that he is a romantic lead... meaning there has to be some sort of appeal to him... it is in the humble opinion of this very straight, very secure, reviewer that he was an awful choice as a romantic lead and he looks like he had his face bashed in with a baseball bat and the surgeons could just never get him back the way he was...

I get the impression that there is some overall story arch that they might be aiming for, but it does look like it might be paper thin.

The vampires overact, the effects are cheap - at best, and there is nothing I can point to and say well, at least there is, "This".

It has the most annoyingly fake high school students I've ever seen in a movie. They know Bela's name before she starts, know she's the new girl that was supposed to start "today" and most realistic of all... They are friendly to her and pretend to care. Nay, they might actually really care. There's believability for you.

There are also great things like, the reason that the vampires don't go into the sunlight is because their skin gets glisteny... riiiiiight. "We don't go into the sun because we look pretty." So they CAN go into sunlight, strike one. They can live purely off animal blood, strike two. They go to freaking high school - what!!!, strike three.

Direction is mediocre and the writing is merely OK.

Naturally, I was not a fan of this movie and the impression I got from the trailer was spot on.

If you read, the book keep it that way. If you haven't, then avoid it as there probably wasn't much to find there that isn't completely 2 dimensional anyway. There are plenty of good vampire movies, though not recently, out there - go watch one of them instead.

You might be thinking that this is pretty bitter. No worries. I'm sure the next one is dead set on disappointing and we'll be here to cover every cheese minute.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

 

Note: Some reviews were written before we just about gave up on Hollywood--just like one of those couples that think, "This time it'll work out." These reviews may not be as bitter as the Bitter Balcony norm, and are noted by: *PBB (Pre-Bitter Balcony).

Twilight review
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Based on a novel by: Stephanie Rosenberg
Released: November 21, 2008

In all honesty, the trailer for this movie seemed plenty weak, but I gave it a fair shot. This is the conclusion I came to...

Lame. Yup, this movie is lame. There is, what I find to be, a baseless romance, weak character development, awkward writing, and pacing that induces sleep.

Kristen Stewart does a good job as the lead protagonist, while I felt that Robert Pattinson was pretty flat. The other problem I have with Pattinson being a lead is that he is a romantic lead... meaning there has to be some sort of appeal to him... it is in the humble opinion of this very straight, very secure, reviewer that he was an awful choice as a romantic lead and he looks like he had his face bashed in with a baseball bat and the surgeons could just never get him back the way he was...

I get the impression that there is some overall story arch that they might be aiming for, but it does look like it might be paper thin.

The vampires overact, the effects are cheap - at best, and there is nothing I can point to and say well, at least there is, "This".

It has the most annoyingly fake high school students I've ever seen in a movie. They know Bela's name before she starts, know she's the new girl that was supposed to start "today" and most realistic of all... They are friendly to her and pretend to care. Nay, they might actually really care. There's believability for you.

There are also great things like, the reason that the vampires don't go into the sunlight is because their skin gets glisteny... riiiiiight. "We don't go into the sun because we look pretty." So they CAN go into sunlight, strike one. They can live purely off animal blood, strike two. They go to freaking high school - what!!!, strike three.

Direction is mediocre and the writing is merely OK.

Naturally, I was not a fan of this movie and the impression I got from the trailer was spot on.

If you read, the book keep it that way. If you haven't, then avoid it as there probably wasn't much to find there that isn't completely 2 dimensional anyway. There are plenty of good vampire movies, though not recently, out there - go watch one of them instead.

You might be thinking that this is pretty bitter. No worries. I'm sure the next one is dead set on disappointing and we'll be here to cover every cheese minute.





Source of the Bitter: JAS

Comments, rants and other stuffs below
Mr. or Ms. Bitter Person Jr. on Thu, 07/16/2009 - 7:55am

I agree, but the 13-year-old girl in me hearts the character, not Pattinson. However, I found Stewart to be more flat... she sucks at acting (and possibly life). Agree with the HS students... most annoying EVER.

I love the baseball scene. Nothing like a bunch of evil vamps getting down on the American past time... all with some hardcore metal in the background.

I don't like to admit I like watching it... but I've seen it three times. It's society's fault for making me want the unattainable man... and hope for all of the romance and "princess-ness" associated with the romantic movie genre. *le sigh* I'm such a girl.

Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 10:44pm

The baseball scene was probably one of the most ridiculous and cheesy scenes in film...ever.

The good vampires are gorgeous and drive Mercedes. The bad vampire are vagabonds and refuse to wear shoes. Come on.

I watched this movie just so I could properly criticize it. It was dreadful.

JAS on Thu, 07/30/2009 - 11:10pm

This is one of the worst examples of a vampire movie. Unfortunately, it is the only one that some people will ever see. This is just a sad thing to say.